Hello my clan of the crave bears! Big news on the home front, I got married! Yep I did! My fiancé and I decided to tie the knot in December. We are still officially getting married wedding style in May. So I’m married and it’s 2016. Welcome to the New Year!
We are going to be talking about cravings, all those things you want and desire and challenges with the cravings, desires and wants. Today our guest is my dear friend JJ Virgin about her new paperback coming out about sugar, diet and about how people can make the diet stick and how we have been getting it wrong. JJ is a celebrity nutritionist, fitness expert and a little bit of a celebrity herself! She invented the “Virgin Diet” which will be talked about in this broadcast. After you get done listening check out these some sweet bonuses!
Also, just wanted to give everybody a heads up we begin again with the cravings cleanse on January 27th at 9 pm Eastern. Eight weeks of live coaching, group support and accountability. You can go to www.cravingscleanse.com to check out the program and sign up. Can’t wait to see you there!
Well crave bears, it’s here: the final episode of 2015! To help us all relax and enjoy the last bits of this year, I’ve created a new challenge, 7 Days of Playful Pleasure, where we’ll focus on one thing you can do every day to feel grounded, whole, and joyful in your body and your life. This is about ending the year feeling GOOD! If you aren’t ready for the challenge but want to join this great community, you can also join the Facebook group! Experience over 1,500 women hanging out, supporting each other, asking questions, and getting inspiration on how to come to terms with and have a better relationship with desire, their bodies, pleasure, food, and cravings.
Now, on today’s show, where I’m talking to Amy Jo Goddard, author of Woman on Fire, one of the books on my top ten books for mind and body healing this year. Now, you may have noticed over the last few months that I’ve been talking to more sexual health experts. That’s because I believe that a lot of our frustrations with our bodies and weight and body image are connected to our sexuality. More and more I think we need to look to sexual expression and pleasure to get in the right metabolic state so we can feel good in and about our bodies even before we lose a single pound.
So today I’m talking to Amy about sexuality, sexual health, and the connection between that and food, nutrition, and cravings. Amy is a renowned sexual empowerment expert, speaker, and coauthor of the popular Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men. She has dedicated her life to sexuality education and empowerment. Her workshops, sessions, and speaking engagements have helped thousands of people discover their sexuality and deepen their relationships and fulfillment.
As a mother, entrepreneur, (new) wife, and woman-with-her-own-dreams, I often struggle with keeping all the plates spinning…and the thing that normally drops in the day-to-day is my own self-care.
I struggle with being happy when things (and myself) aren’t perfect.
Here’s a recent stream of thought that drove me crazy:
“I should get on that school fundraiser email…I didn’t follow up with that client!…I haven’t been to my trainer in 2 weeks…Those presents need to be wrapped…I haven’t saved enough in my IRA this year…I had some dairy yesterday!…I should take my friend out for her birthday this week…I’m a terrible friend!…I’m the worst at sales…I need to redo my website…”
It’s insane, isn’t it??
Today’s modern woman, and not a few cool dudes, are held back from giving ourselves what we really need by guilt. We love the idea of nourishing our lives and bodies with daily baths and pleasure playdates with our friends, but something keeps us from following through on a regular basis.
It isn’t just that we feel guilty taking care of ourselves:
we feel, deep down, that setting aside time to meet our own needs – even having needs – is a sign of weakness or failure. We see it as a sign of imperfection in a world that demands nothing less than perfection.
Admitting that you need to work on something is acknowledging a failure and that is really, really hard to do.
Today, I want you to watch Jada Pinkett Smith, the actress, singer, and mother, on how she views this mess we are in. Her thoughts really inspired me, and I hope they inspire you, too:
Join my 7-day Playful Pleasure Challenge: you’ll get daily emails to help you devote time and energy to your own pleasure…for the good of everyone!
Today’s show deals with some rather explicit material, but for good reason! I’m talking to sex therapist Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, a New York Times best seller. Ian and I are discussing some of the most common yet hard to talk about problems that women have when it comes to sex, namely getting your partner to focus on YOU.
Now, you may be wondering why I talk about sex so much on a podcast about women’s health and cravings. I do it because sex has so much to do with these subjects! A lot of women feel nervous about sex, like sex is dangerous. It’s hard to grow up with a healthy sense of sexual self in this culture, and I want to do what I can to break down the barriers around it. Because when sex is dangerous, food becomes our safe sex, and we just can’t win.
My goal is to make it safe for women to explore their sexuality. We have to reclaim our bodies for ourselves, to own our curiosity about sex, and learn how to have those challenging conversations about what we want. Food and sex should be two of the best things about being a human! But they’ve both been branded as dangerous for women. Well we want both.
If you want to have one of your questions answered on the show, head over to the blog and you’ll see a little microphone that says “Send Voicemail.” Just click it, leave your message, and I might use your voice and question on an upcoming episode of the Crave Cast!
Your brain can cause your body’s cravings. The four root causes of cravings are bacterial, nutritional, emotional, and physical. (But most experts and diet books don’t talk about the emotions of food, do they?)
Today I want to talk about one of the most common forms of emotional craving: the frustration and fear caused by the inner critic.
I’ve been interviewing health coaches who want to grow their business as they heal their own health concerns, and I’m hearing a lot of “bitch brain” issues. This is a term I created while writing Women, Food, and Desire, and it struck a chord with many readers…
Bitch Brain is a way I describe your inner critic – the voice that stops you from taking risks, speaking your truth, and gets in the way of your desires.
Women often grapple with self-confidence and doubt because we are connected to our life’s desires, and expose ourselves to the fear and failure of going after what we truly want.
Here’s how the Bitch Brain, or inner critic, or “BB” for short, messes with your life:
…you want to create your own business, but the bitch brain (AKA inner critic) tells us we don’t have enough experience…and eat more sugar to handle the frustration induced exhaustion.
…you dream about helping others with your health coaching knowledge, but the inner critic says “you still have your own health problems, how could you help someone else?”…and you end up overeating at night to try and silence the discomfort.
…you have an old voice from your mother that repeats about how a nice girl should act, and it keeps you from daring to ask for more or demand justice…and you drink a few glasses of wine every night to try and relax.
…you know you have a purpose in life, and have tried lots of educational programs or read all the self-help books, but your inner critic tells you “why bother?” so often you feel totally bummed out and confused about what to do next…so you keep eating the foods that keep your energy low and mind fuzzy because, again, “why bother?”
The inner critic can be deadly. It can rob you of your vitality and resilience.
And the bitch brain can be handled. But only with love and awareness.
Here are 5 things you must know to handle the inner critic:
The inner critic is not you. It is thoughts about you, but it is not who you actually are. You may have internalized other people’s voices from such a young age that it’s hard to tell the difference between them and you.
See it and say it. To separate yourself from your bitch brain, you must become aware of it and label what you hear. It’s pretty simple. Say to yourself, or declare to a trusted friend, “I hear my inner critic right now and it’s saying ____.” When you say it out loud and label it, you can start to see the repetitive, inaccurate nature of the criticism.
Identify a good reason for the criticism. When you start to hear the critic, bitching away again, step back and ask it, “What are you trying to protect me from right now? What are you afraid might happen if I do this thing I want to do?” The answer is usually the same: fear of failure, losing love or respect, fear of attack or embarrassment. Once you see the reasons for the critic acting up, you can say, with genuine care, “Thank you for trying to protect me. I hear you.” We must love our inner critic otherwise we get stuck in a war with ourselves, which never ends well. Calming the voice with love is super important because…
The Bitch Brain is hurting your body. When the inner critic causes a release of stress hormones in the body, we end up in a state of health disarray. Stress keeps weight on, especially around the middle belly, causes adrenal exhaustion, sleep trouble, and ages you faster. In the face of all that, #5 is even more important!
Laugh it off. Survivors in life-threatening situations all have one thing in common: a sense of humor. Humor is a good strategy to help you find what is ridiculous. Your inner critic might say “Don’t offer your health coaching services! They might find out you eat chocolate every night and then you’ll be called a liar and end up penniless and alone under a bridge!” Really, BB? If people find out I eat chocolate I’ll end up alone, penniless and under a bridge? Chill out!”
Give your BB some space to be heard.
Spend 10 minutes writing out your thoughts to these questions and see how much more calm you feel:
What does your BB/inner critic say when you want to speak up about an injustice or problem at work or in the home?
What does your BB/inner critic say about a career choice you dream about making?
What does our BB/inner critic say when you want to dress up? When you pass by a mirror? When you want to try a new class? When you want to travel? When you want to ask for a date? For sex? For a vacation? For time alone? For time together?
Use the 5 insights to help you calm your BB. Know that you are wired for the inner critic, that you’re not crazy, wrong, or bad…that your very human brain is trying to keep you safe.