“I want to feel free.”
You’ve told me this again and again, in podcast questions, comments, conversations…
This desire, this craving, for freedom is very real, very powerful, and very human.
To be free means:
- not under the control or power of another
- able to act as one wishes
- no longer confined or imprisoned
- released and relaxed
When we women finally feel free in our bodies,
our power, confidence, and abilities grow.
We can move mountains, write manifestos, and create movements.
In short, we can change the world.
But there are 2 old myths that are keeping us from that state of freedom we crave.
And once we see them, question them, they dissolve and we are free from them:
Myth #1: When you “get your body back” you’ll be able to be happy
Myth #2: You lost something valuable when you lost your virginity
These two myths have kept us afraid in and of our bodies, and chained to old ways of thinking, rather than free.
There’s no need to “get your body back.” You have a body and never lost it.
You may have had kids, survived physical trauma, grown older and wiser, and so your body has changed, but you never lost your body. She’s still with you.
When you’re in a constant state of body-hate and body-shame, your current body feels your hatred, and feels the stress. This results in disrupted hormones, lower libido, high cortisol, and lower metabolism.
In short, this myth of a “lost body” is keeping us stuck in our current state, and makes it very hard to heal our biology in order to get back to a place of good energy, balanced hormones, and, well, freedom.
There are ways of living, what I call “heart habits” in my book Women, Food, And Desire, that help you feel into your body, appreciate “her,” and trust her messages (AKA intuition/cravings)…
Nature walks, dancing, yoga, roller skating, or any kind of joyful movement can help you appreciate your body as you move into your next phase of well-being.
Joyful movement is any way of moving that feels fun, loosens up your joints, uses your muscles, raises your heart rate…and fills your soul and heart with appreciation for your body.
This “lost body” myth overlaps with another older, more insidious myth that effects us women in deep ways.
The fear of “losing our virginity.”
You may not have thought about this idea for a long time, but remember back to what it was like as a young woman?
I remember in high school when my girlfriends and I were as worried about weight gain as we were about “losing our virginity.”
Who would be first? Who would be last?
Who were the other girls we knew who had already “lost it?”
“Losing your virginity” is an old, yet powerful idea that is keeping us women afraid of our bodies. Again, you didn’t “lose it” – you had sex or made love for the first time.
But we were/are still afraid of the stigma attached to sex, and our desires for it.
Losing your virginity means as little about your value as a person as the number on the scale…
Yet these two things are used by society, friends, family, and our own brains to brand us as “good” or “bad.”
Since sex was so loaded with danger, food became “safe sex.” Food become the safest way to indulge in our need for pleasure, when what we really desire is good clean physical intimacy.
In order for us women to feel ownership, agency, love, and true self-worth,
we must become aware of these myths, notice when they pop up in our relationship with ourselves and other women, and notice how they effect our self-esteem.
It’s not some thing that has to define who you are, it’s just sex.
When we women finally see sex and food for what they really are, we can appreciate them both for what they are, and not define ourselves by them.
When we stop judging and defining ourselves by our food and our pleasures,
we can truly be free.