Feeding my craving for sisters + how I ended the mean girl shame

Cravings Cleanse with Alex Jamieson

I’m afraid of women.

Not my individual friends – I have dozens of amazing, trustworthy, inspiring girlfriends who I honestly feel are my spiritual sisters.

One-on-one, I love being with them.

But groups? Nope. Scary.

gossip

 

When I was in middle school, I was “mean girled.” I was the new kid at my junior high, having moved to Los Angeles with my mom so she could finish her degree after my folks divorced. I made friends pretty quickly, and was soon eating lunch with a clique of popular, smart girls, with whom I took honors english, typing, and history. Then one day, the fun turned sour:

I was a hungry, growing girl who ran around a lot, skate boarding, riding my bike, and walking to school every day. So I ate a big lunch. Two hot dogs. Every day.

This one girl started staring at me and my 2 hot dogs. She stared at me while I ate. I could feel her judgment and gaze, and I got more and more uncomfortable.

Then she started gossiping about me to the other girls. How I was a pig for eating so much. How gross it was. How they shouldn’t let me sit there. Not all the girls paid attention to her, but after a few days I didn’t sit with them anymore. I sat with other kids or by myself.

And I felt so nervous walking into our classes together. Because they stopped talking to me. They wouldn’t sit with me on the bus, or stand in line with me on our class trip to Disney Land.

It was horrible.

But I didn’t realize until recently how this incident led me to put up a wall between me and groups of females.

My 40th birthday is this week, and I decided that it’s time to put this old story to rest. So I invited 15 women to my house for a sister circle.

It was the first time I’d had a group of lady friends over to our new home, since we finally had the boxes unpacked and pictures hung.

And it was my first time hosting a sister circle. What’s a sister circle, you may well ask?

The idea started with my friend Nisha, who created SisterHoodDay.com – when I first saw her email about it, I flinched.

I wanted to spend more time with women, to create in-person communities and supportive live groups, as I’ve been doing for years in my online cleanses and programs. In those online coaching programs I lead women through 8-week transformational frameworks to help them feel + look well, and end the war with their bodies. I love my online groups, and the supportive community they create is astounding.

Yet, getting together in person with a group of women felt dangerous. But I craved the deeper connection that comes with in-person gatherings and support.

So I sent a few emails, vacuumed, made some scones, and took a deep breath. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was! I even got my nails done, in an effort to impress these women.

In fact, I put more effort into getting ready for this group than I did for my first date with my partner Bob. And the stakes were higher:

  • would they all like each other?
  • would they still like me?
  • would I screw up the circle?
  • how would I “run” a circle?!
  • would they think I was a total dork for putting on this woo-woo women’s thing?

As each woman arrived, I greeted her with a hug, thanked her for getting up early and trudging to Brooklyn on a Saturday morning, and handed her a cup of tea or water.

As I watched all these beautiful, loving women meet each other, I realized I had been hiding from them, but I’d also kept them from each other – my own fear had gotten in the way of their possible friendships.

We gathered in my living room, circled up on the couch and floor pillows, and I shared why I had asked them to join me.

Cravings Cleanse with Alex Jamieson

When I was through with my story, two other women immediately shared their own middle-school “mean girl” tales, and that THEY had also been afraid of women, made easier relationships with men, and felt disconnected from their bodies as a result of that early girlhood experience.

The tears flowed, more stories about body-shame, food trouble, and laughter about similarities bubbled up throughout the morning.

Finally, relaxed and bonded by the oxytocin which you could almost cut with a knife, I asked my friends to share their desires for the coming spring.

I believe that if we truly want our lives to match our inner fantasies, we have to speak our desires out loud, and ask the people in our lives to support us as we create them.

And they shared such beautiful desires and cravings:

  • to get in the best shape of my life
  • to find a partner
  • to have great sex with my partner
  • to be a YouTube star
  • to recommit to my own healing path + end the fight with food

By the end of just two hours, we were sisters. Women who had never met before were hugging, sharing phone numbers and hooking up for later dates.

Everyone glowed as they left. Everyone thanked me for putting the circle together. And I felt incredibly humbled, safe, and supported.

Now I have another craving – to continue getting women together in circles, where we can support, honor, and love each other on our evolving journeys.

xo,

Alex

Join my 8-week Cravings Cleanse which starts 4/16.

Our online sisterhood is a safe, fun place of healing and support, I guarantee it!

My To-Don’t List – Mindset Makeover Technique

A cleanse is about more than just taking a few foods out of your diet - it's about a mindset makeover

I’ll be 40 in 4 days…

And what I hear from so many women, both older + younger, is that they want to feel like they’re living their own lives.

And that too often we wake up one day, or look in the mirror, and say:

what am I doing? Is THIS what I want?

I felt that way when I realized I couldn’t trust my marriage and asked for a divorce.

I felt that way when my body was breaking down, and I knew I needed to eat meat again.

And that feeling shows up in daily choices around how I spend my time, how I run my business, and what I do with my energy.

Our deep fears keep us from sharing our quirks, truths, and following our cravings. Cravings for experiences, creation, well-being, and adventure.

Fears of being publicly shamed, Fears of being selfish, being too much, being too loud, Just being ourselves. And then made wrong for our truth.

“What you say no to is as important as what you say yes to.”

I’ve gotten pretty clear about what I want, and sometimes that requires getting clear on what I DON’T want.

In positive psychology there are studies showing big birthdays (anything with a 0 at the end of it…30, 40, 50, you get it) instigate big changes, big goals, and an awareness of time passing.

What I WON’T do…AKA My To-Don’t List:

eat foods that drain my energy, and put me in a food coma

spend more than 30 minutes on social media a day

let my phone distract me from my family get lost in gossip magazines + reality TV (AKA the “comparison trap”)

let fear get in the way of sharing my ideas with the world

waste energy judging other women

read my book reviews online

apologize for taking time + resources for my self care

apologize for taking up space

spend time on projects that don’t serve me, my readers and listeners

get lost in negative mind chatter that my body and life aren’t good enough

respond to negative online attacks – haters gonna hate, and I don’t need to throw them any more fuel

To-DON’Ts from my readers + Cleanse members:

Joanne: I will no longer undervalue what I do for a living (graphic designer) or accept less than I deserve…

Allison: 1) apologize for needing a lazy day, AKA staying in bed and watching TV till 2pm while snuggling with my cat 2 ) feel guilty for satisfying a food craving 3) work for corporate America

Jan: stop using the word “just”…just a 5K., as in “just” walking rather than running

Carolyn: my story that there is not enough love in the world, my story that things have to be hard, my squicky relationship with money

What I WILL do…(AKA big motivating desires, or things I want to fill my life up with)

Move + stretch my body daily in ways that feel good, grounding + strengthening

Ask myself how I want to feel when I choose my meals

Take random, surprise days off with my son + go make memories together

Write as if my soul will wilt if I don’t express it, because it does

Cook + eat foods that boost my energy (recipes)

Get 7-9 hours of sleep a night

Meet up with at least 2 friends a week Read a new book for fun every month

Get the tattoo I’ve been dreaming of, now

A cleanse is about more than just taking a few foods out of your diet - it's about a mindset makeover

My To Don’t List

Take a trapeze class Roller skating birthday party (done!)

Frequently initiate juicy dates with my man

Read and play daily with my son

Take time for myself to read, walk, be in nature

Ask for time off, time away, time alone, and not feel guilty for it

Take my bike for a tune up so I can ride the first nice day of spring

Call my Dad, brother, and Grandma regularly

Write thank you letters to all the people who helped me spread the word about Women, Food, And Desire

Take hot baths and read inspiring books

Tell everyone I love them any time I feel like it

Draw, paint, color, and play my ukulele – and share them all with people

Give away $100 as a family every month to awesome charities…

Live as if 40 were my LAST birthday, because really, who knows?

This could be it. This could be my last year – or I could have 40 more years, as glorious as the first batch. What will I do with this time? How do I want to feel? What do I want to remember on my death bed? How much love can I share?

I want to hear from you: What will you NOT do anymore? What’s NOT serving you? And what DO YOU WANT?

Make a list. Declare it. Do it. xo, AJ

P.S. The spring Cravings Cleanse + Mindset Makeover starts 4/16 – go here to learn more + join:

A crave-worthy book: Win The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

How often does someone ask you: how do you want to feel?

Not enough.

I’ve been using Danielle LaPorte’s book The Desire Map in my own life for a couple of years, and it was influential in guiding my work with clients and writing Women, Food, And Desire.

I find that when we really dive deep and get clear on what we WANT, rather than what we don’t want, life can shift in miraculous ways.

Win the Desire Map from Danielle LaPorte

Win the Desire Map from Danielle LaPorte

Today I’m teaming up with Danielle LaPorte to give away a digital copy of her groundbreaking book, The Desire Map.

Her guide will help you define your “goals with soul” and help you never make another to-do list and New Year’s resolution ever again.
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Deliciously pretty skin care – win a $200 gift basket from AnnMarie Skincare!

Two good rules to live by:

1. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. 2. Don’t put stuff on your skin that isn’t safe to put in your mouth. Your skin care, make up, hair care, deodorant, and any other beauty aids should be toxin-free, and made from super-healthy ingredients. Because your skin is porous, yo! You absorb everything through your skin, so it’s time to upgrade that old toxic Maybelline with AnnMarie.   annmarie Wouldn’t you love to have a simple bathroom cabinet that looked like this? I LOVE Annmarie Gianni’s skincare – it’s non-toxic, and truly feels like it’s feeding my skin when I put it on.

So I’m happy to announce that we teamed up to give away a

$200 gift basket of incredible products to one lucky winner!

annemarie give away

Enter here, and be sure to go check out their awesome products online!

 
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How I got to sleep again…Win my FAV Magnesium from Perfect Supplements!

I was a tired, frustrated mess until I started using Natural Calm…

Win my favorite Magnesium supplement from Perfect Supplements!

Win my favorite Magnesium supplement from Perfect Supplements!

I was suffering from insomnia for over a year, and it was really wrecking my life. The stress of my mom getting sick while I was under a writing deadline for my book were all too much for my adrenals.

Total exhaustion, spiraling hormones, grouchy mood, and a total collapse of my libido ….

and did you know that ONE bad night of sleep can make you insulin resistant for a few days? That’s crazy.

Magnesium is one of the best first steps when it comes to supplementing for insomnia – and chocolate cravings!

Yup, the first nutritional cause of chocolate cravings is low magnesium levels.

 

give-away-a-thon_perfect

 
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So today I’m giving away some of my favorite helpers from Perfect Supplements – a gift box including my favorite Natural Calm Magnesium (which I take before bed) and my favorite Perfect Cordyceps, a great medicinal mushroom I take for boosting my energy and my immune system.

Enter to win here from me and Perfect Supplements!

 

Win a 3-Day Juice Cleanse from Alex + Suja!

Fresh, organic juices are a great way to flood your body with delicious healing fuel.

But you don’t always have time to shop, lug/carry, and juice the fruits and veggies yourself, right?

And there are sOOO many brands on the shelves – what’s the best choice? It’s enough to make a girl skip the grocery store and head right to the nearest bar for a cocktail…

to juice or not to juice!?

to juice or not to juice!?

That’s why I’ve teamed up with Suja Juices to give away one of their popular 3-day juice cleanses in my #20til40 give away!

 

Win a Suja 3-Day Juice Cleanse!

Win a Suja 3-Day Juice Cleanse from Alex + Suja!

 

Now that the weather is warmer, juice cleanses are safer to undertake. (I don’t do juices much in the winter – my Featherweight type gets too cold! More hot tea and soup, please!)

But you can enter here to have SUJA ship you a 3-day supply of their organic, non-GMO juices to reset your body – fun and YUM!

Enter here! Hope you win, juicy! xo, Alex
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Win my book and more from my grrls at Tue/Night:

You could win Women, Food, And Desire in the Tue/Night Book Giveaway!
Enter by 11:59PM 3/16 for a chance to win my Women, Food And Desire! http://ow.ly/KjvGV

TueNight speaking

Last week I had the pleasure to speak to a room packed with women (and a few cool dudes) about cravings, pleasure, and desire in Brooklyn. The women behind www.TueNight.com hosted an amazing salon of writers who all read their stories of desire. I got a chance to speak from the front of the room with co-founder Margit Detweiler and share my story, chronicled in Women, Food, And Desire.

I left the evening inspired and certain that we need more places and chances for women to get together to share their truth about desire. That’s the only way we can loosen the strangle hold of the Diet Industrial Complex on our collective minds and bodies.

 

Be sure to check out TueNight.com, and enter to win a copy of WFD and a FREE membership to my Rapid Refresh & Reboot program!

xo,

Alex

Giving Away the Big O Pack from Babeland.com! #20til40

Win an Orgasm In A Box From Babeland.com + Alexandra Jamieson!

I believe that in order to be truly healthy, you need to connect to your physical desires, and indulge in your capacity for physical pleasure.

Case in point: masturbation!

A common, natural, and normal part of the human experience, masturbation brings a boat load of health benefits, and I recommend it to my clients regularly because it:

  • can relieve stress better than ice cream
  • balance your hormones cheaper than drugs
  • increase your self-confidence and body image more than any women’s magazine
  • can relieve muscle cramps and tension better than Midol
  • heal and relax bloating, stomach pain, and digestive issues as much as raw sauerkraut

To celebrate my upcoming 40th birthday in 20 days, I’ve partnered with Babeland.com to give away their awesome Orgasm In A Box!

Win an Orgasm In A Box From Babeland.com + Alexandra Jamieson!

Win an Orgasm In A Box From Babeland.com + Alexandra Jamieson!

Filled with non-toxic toys, lube and more goodies, when you win this fun-filled prize plan on a delicious night in without your old boyfriends, Ben & Jerry!

To enter, just follow the directions below and take as many actions as you want to enter as many times as you can:

 
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Keep coming back every day until my big day, 3/27, for more give aways and prizes!

xo,

Alex

Top Reviews for Women, Food, And Desire! Goop, FitBottomedGirls.com, Bustle.com!

5 books to love yourself

FitBottomedGirls.com named Women, Food, And Desire 1 of 5 books to Love Yourself Healthy – see the full list here:

http://fitbottomedgirls.com/2015/02/5-books-to-love-yourself-healthy/
GOOP

Goop.com, otherwise known as Gwenyth Paltrow’s health and lifestyle website, named Women, Food, And Desire their top non-fiction winter read for 2015!

See the whole thing here: http://goop.com/late-winter-reading/

bustle header divorce

Bustle.com names Women, Food, And Desire 1 of 12 books to help you get through your divorce easier:

See the whole list here: http://www.bustle.com/articles/61076-12-books-to-read-thatll-make-your-divorce-a-little-bit-easier

 Get your copy of Women, Food, And Desire here! xo, Alex

Amazon
Powells
IndieBound
Barnes & Noble

Healing Rituals: Tea Rituals | How to create healing rituals

I’ve learned that  you can learn to be happier just like you can learn to play ukulele or teach yourself Spanish.

One daily aspect of consciously learning happiness is to create healing + grounding rituals.

Rituals are any symbolic behaviors we perform before, during, and after meaningful event.

And they’re really everywhere in human culture:

 

Healing Rituals - Tea As Ritual

Healing Rituals – Tea As Ritual

  • Rituals are used by athletes, before and during games and contests, and studies show it helps to maintain or increase focus and performance
  • Rituals are used before meaningful events like weddings or ceremonies, and are used to help focus the energy and attention of large groups of people
  • Rituals are used to mark the passing of a loved one with funerals, and help people manage their grief and release the pain of loss

Our personal rituals matter much more than we realize. Recent studies have proved that our actions and thoughts are 40% habit – that means almost ½ of what we do and think is repetitive and happens without us thinking about it.

Sometimes life feels like a runaway train—it can seem like we don’t get to choose what’s going on in our daily lives.

When that happens, we can remind ourselves that we have the power to choose the way we live our lives, and the “personal brand” that we put on things.

I’ve been drinking tea since I was a kid with my mom, but now I set aside a little time and attention to make tea a ritual for rest, remembering good times, introspection, and creation.

One way to do this is through creating rituals in our lives that support and nourish us. Rituals and nurturing routines provide us with structure that grounds us and connects us to others.

They can connect us to the energy of the earth and seasons, our past, family, and community as well as help us to create the kind of environment where we’ll function best.

They also create a sense of predictability that can help us feel safe, and reduce the stress of uncertainty.
Rituals are rhythmic; they put us in sync with nature in a nurturing way.

They help us cope with the shifts and transitions we face daily, weekly, seasonally, and throughout our lives.

By creating structure in the form of a daily or weekly ritual, our minds can relax, and this frees up a lot of energy so that we can create the life we desire.

And they work.

Rituals help us manifest what we truly crave in life, by placing our energy where we want it most. CLICK TO TWEET + SHARE THIS!

Here’s what scientists are finding about our use of ritual:
performing rituals with the intention of producing a specific result appears to be enough for that result to come true.

  • One of my intentions was to bring more awareness to our family meals even at the end of hectic days. We set the table with cloth napkins and light a candle with every meal we eat at home. I’m teaching my 8-year old son how to light a candle, and how to set the table, so we has a ritual with calm, loving eating as well.
  • Another intention was to feel in control of my finances, so my partner and I created monthly “money dates.” You could call them cash rituals.
  • I also wanted to wake up my body after a long, cold winter, and created a morning yoga ritual – every morning, for 10 minutes, I stretch and then make my tea.
  • Music is a big deal in my family of musicians, and I want to pass that love of music to my son. Now when I give him a bath, I bring in my ukulele and we sing together as I learn a new song. (AND we put our instruments up on the wall in the living room, so we see them and take them down more frequently – a great way to trigger yourself into doing your rituals!
Ritualize your creativity by putting your art in full view.

Ritualize your creativity by putting your art in full view.

If you’re here you’re interested in healing and growing. That’s what my “clan of the crave bears” is all about. Healing the body, healing relationships, and growing a crave-worthy life.

So this week, focus on creating a ritual to heal an area of your life, or intentionally place your positive energy in a direction or on a project you want to create:

HOW TO CREATE RITUALS FOR A CRAVE-WORTHY LIFE:

Get specific about your intention + the actions the ritual will embody:

  • Why – you intention for the ritual (loving – no voodoo, framed in the positive)
  • When – at what time are you going to do the activity? Morning? After dinner? Spring or Winter? Sundays?
  • Where – is it portable or does it depend on a place?

Examples of Healing Rituals

  • Walking Ritual: at your favorite time of day, dawn, dusk, or after lunch – not for “exercise” but for feeling your body in nature
  • Learning Ritual: memorize a poem, playing a song, or some other new skill once a week or every evening
  • Friend Ritual: thursday night dinner with a friend, Sunday tea with a friend at a bookstore cafe
  • Gratitude Writing Ritual: For 1 week, write down 3 things that you’re grateful for at the end of dinner.

One of my Facebook friends created an “I Hate Mondays” playlist of uplifting songs and motivating music to help perk her up when she was having Monday Blues -

IDEAS FOR NEW FOOD RITUALS:

  • setting the table with napkins, forks, lit candles, flowers
  • Simply lighting a candle before you eat anything, and sitting down to acknowledge your desire to digest and enjoy
  • 5 deep breaths before you begin eating
  • 8-12 ounces warm lemon water upon waking to wake up your liver and hydrate your brain
  • saying a gratitude out loud at the end of the meal: that was delicious! I feel perfectly full and satisfied!

As you build rituals into your life, you build a lifestyle that supports your healthiest self.

I want to hear your favorite rituals!

In the comments below, share your favorite ritual, or tell us what you’re going to try first!

xo,

Alex