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205 Rage Becomes Her with Soraya Chemaly

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Hi, I’m Alex!

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When was the last time you were REALLY angry? Did you notice how people around you reacted?  Why are rage and anger assessed differently in men and women? My guest today discusses why we have strong opinions about these emotions, why we’re so judgmental about them, and the impact on us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Like it or not, these emotions have an impact on our ability as women to create, do, and be fully realized in the world.

Soraya Chemaly wrote Rage Becomes Her, a book that covers EVERYTHING about this topic. She covers how rage and anger are used against women, and why our disconnection from other women is one of our greatest sources of stress, sadness, and anxiety. Being “too angry” or too emotional will often get us “cut out” of the group. Rage, anger, and anxiety are powerful emotions that signal when our boundaries have been violated. Rage and anger might be the key to the unfolding of our true selves. Let’s jump right in to learn more about rage and anger with Soraya!

Music Credit: My good friend Lindsay Katt –

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Show Highlights:

  • The negative impact of the language we use with words like “crazy” or “psycho”
  • Soraya’s family and background, including raising three daughters
  • Why her Catholic upbringing led her to question religiosity, and why she didn’t want to reproduce oppressive gender biases in her daughters
  • How everything about a woman in the workplace is calibrated with the expectation of maternity
  • Reasons why women are “not allowed” to be angry (but it’s OK for men??)
  • In traditional religions, there are no feminine godheads
  • The effects of suppressing anger, which gets diverted into socially acceptable behaviors
  • Why venting is NOT healthy
  • What we need to do to move the anger out
  • Why we need to be self-aware of our anger and make meaning of it
  • The difference in sadness and anger
  • Why anger is an intrinsic motivator and a source of power
  • What is my anger telling me?
  • Why we make people uncomfortable with our anger
  • The facts: men are rewarded for anger, as it confirms their masculinity
  • The oxymorons: “angry woman” and “sad man”
  • The extra struggle for women of color, who have “no wiggle room”
  • What women dread most: mockery
  • The physical effects of keeping anger inside
  • Risk, and why it’s hard to be a risk-taker
  • What Title IX has brought about
  • What we CAN do
  • How women keep each other down, especially white women
  • Gender silencing and rigid gender roles
  • Why society denies anger to women
  • Soraya’s way of “being with anger” and the new rule she wants her children to follow:
    • Treat everyone with respect and dignity, regardless of race or gender
    • Learn to listen


Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly    Registration opens on Dec. 7 for my new 12-month program, The Have-It-All Mentorship

Find me on Instagram: @deliciousalex