Are you ready to ACTUALLY change your life? 3 Key Psychological Insights
The topic of “change” has been coming up in a lot of conversations
lately – with clients, with my 8.5 year old son, with my fiancé…
(OMG – did I tell you all yet?! He asked! I said Yes! More on that later…)
We want change, yet we crave security.
We want newness, and we want certainty.
We want juicy fun in our relationships, yet we’re afraid to step out and truly be seen.
We want to look and feel better in our bodies, yet we don’t have the required motivation.
We want to love ourselves, yet we beat ourselves up for every tiny misstep…
Healthy body image…
Getting off sugar and healing your gut…
…we want these, yet they feel far out of reach.
To get any of these requires us to change in some way…
And change is, at it’s core, terrifying.
Change scares us, because we are terrified of failing,
and being judged or exiled by the people around us.
When you begin living and acting in a new way, you face the rejection
or alienation from the friends, family, and colleagues who shared your old ideas.
Yet we struggle, because we know we need to change what we’re doing,
how we are eating, living, and talking to ourselves in our thoughts…
You know you need/want to change in order to finally feel really good and free in your body.
But choosing WHAT to change, and how to go about it, feels overwhelming
in the face of failure and public shaming.
I believe we can learn new things and new behaviors,
no matter our age,
no matter our circumstances,
no matter our history,
new ways of eating and thinking and feeling about
ourselves and food…but why don’t we?
1. To learn a new behavior or skill requires a bit of struggle + a willingness to fail.
I didn’t speak Spanish growing up, and I had to be willing to make mistakes by speaking badly in front of my college classmates in order to learn. I didn’t know how to dice an onion, and had to risk losing a finger and presenting misshaped food to my culinary school teachers, but I had to be willing to try and fail until I did it enough times to master the skill.
If you don’t know how to cook, yet you know you need to start taking control over
what you put in your body three times a day, it’s helpful to know that you’ll make some
If you don’t know how to change your mindset from “fixed” and negative to more “growth” oriented and positive, it’s helpful to know that you’ll still get stuck in negative thought loops until you’re more practiced at seeing your habits.
Joyfully knowing a new skill or way of thinking takes a “beginner’s mind” – just as a toddler learning to walk doesn’t cuss itself out for tumbling over, we need to have a safe, supportive, more experienced friend who can guide us to keep trying as we learn.
You’ll know that you’re learning something really new and challenging when it takes a long time and you’re constantly making mistakes and struggling…
And creating a new mindset in this current culture of food and body shame requires a lion’s heart and a lot of angels!
But I believe you can do it, because I’ve seen hundreds of people do it before.
Which brings me too…
2. Find your guide and your tribe.
Learning all these new skills can be really discouraging on your own.
I know left to my own devices, I would have given up on Spanish or cooking, and I wouldn’t have advanced as far as I did with my teachers and friends.
When your enthusiasm and motivation falters,
you need someone you trust who will be there to help pull you up.
When you change your life, it often means you need to change your community,
which is a lot harder than not eating sugar for a couple of weeks.
The best guides, angels, and communities do a lot more than just demonstrate a new skill or technique:
They inspire hope by sharing their belief in you.
They point out the small successes and improvements you’ve made, which you forget about.
They support you no matter what you discover about yourself, and encourage your growth + change.
They sell you on your own competence and your own potential.
They teach you the positive psychology of growth and realistic optimism.
But it’s important to find your guides and angels.
They need to feel like a good fit, and you need to feel a real sense of connection.
To find your tribe of guides and angels, look for people who respect your growth, understand you, and believe in you…
those are the people who will inspire you to stick out the struggles.
3. Be willing to believe.
In order to actually, really, finally change anything (body, mind, spirit, life) you must be willing
to put down the old idea that you can’t change.
That’s why community and support from outside yourself is so all-fired important!
I needed coaching and new relationships with the right people to:
– change my relationship with money + start saving money wisely
– change my relationship with my body + start loving myself, quirks and all
– change my relationship with things + let the clutter and retail therapy go
I actively sought out the coaches, mentors, classes, and guides that helped me
heal, grow, and change.
You can either wait for change to happen to you, or
you can actively seek the change you truly desire.
Real, lasting change depends on relationships.
Finding your “change agent” is like finding your perfect mate.
It’s hit-or-miss, and takes some time, hope, grit, and dedication.
And when you find that community, coach, or relationship, a world of change is possible.
We all need different first steps, different coaches, and different plans.
Yet even with our differences, we are all in the same boat:
Because we all desire to be our most authentic, healthiest, happiest possible selves.
That’s what I want for you, and that’s why I do what I do.
Because the future is shaped by those of us who believe we are capable of
change, growth, and discovering new ways of living.
In a few days I’ll be sharing a special offer with you to help you make lasting changes this summer.
So keep an eye on your inbox on Wednesday…
Now, I want to hear about what you’re inspired to change or transform this summer:
In the comments below, share with us your relationship with “change.”
What are you inspired to shift in your life?
What are your biggest heart’s desires that scare you?
Then we can all honor, witness, and support you as you step into that change this summer.