When We Stop Moving Our Own Goalposts (Buy The Shoes)
As I got out my credit card, I started to feel the panic set in:
Who do I think I am?
I had created a big, hairy, audacious goal for myself.
A business goal that felt outside my comfort zone, doable, but still big.
And I decided to reward myself once I hit my goal.
I had been looking for a new purse for over six months, and had finally found one I loved: and it cost more than my first car.
Worries came up as I worked toward my goal, the bag bookmarked on my laptop:
What was I worth?
What did I deserve?
Would people judge me negatively if they knew how much the bag cost?
Did I care what people thought about my style choices?
Was the guilt and worry over a luxury purchase necessary?
Could I enjoy the bag, without all the baggage?
Last week, a private client, Allison, told me about her big wins for 2018: she’s getting equity in a company she advises, and generated even more revenue than her goal.
This was huge!
What will you do to celebrate, I asked?
A told me about a pair of shoes she had told herself she would buy, the first year she hit a personal record.
“This is it! It’s time to buy the shoes!”
Then she said:
“Well, I changed my mind. Now I need to save over $100,000 before I’ll buy the shoes.”
She had moved her own goal posts.
I asked her how she felt when she took away the reward she had promised herself…
Did she feel satisfied?
Did she feel excited to keep working hard?
NO, she admitted.
She did not feel satisfied.
She felt like she’d let herself down.
And she saw how she did that throughout her life, always putting off the celebration…
Just yesterday, another private client, Bri, told me that she and her husband had refinanced their home two years ago so that they could not only lower their interest rate but totally redesign her master bathroom.
“I’d been dreaming of this at-home-spa with perfect tiles, a great window, and a walk-in shower.”
But she hadn’t taken any action, was sitting on the money for the construction, and was caught the a push-pull of “Should I? Shouldn’t I?”
“It took me so long to finally put the money down and commit to the redo! Here I had set aside the money and been “responsible” about refinancing, but I kept fighting myself, saying: “You already have a perfectly fine bathroom. Why do you need so spend all that money on this? What a waste!”
Just recently, she’d finally given the go-ahead to commence the construction work.
Because it felt out of alignment for her to go back on her promise to herself.
She wasn’t being financially irresponsible.
She had put in the work to “deserve” the bathroom, running her online business successfully.
She had the money, she just felt guilty about doing something “so big” for herself.
Bri had moved her own goalposts.
When we spoke, as the finishing touches were going on in her new master bathroom, her life satisfaction was through the roof. She is eager to build a new program. She loves her home even more.
She feels proud.
When we move our own goalposts, it keeps us dissatisfied. We don’t trust ourselves.
We take away the very things we know will make us happy, the things we promised ourselves, and then wonder why we aren’t achieving even more.
How can you reach your goal if you keep moving your goal?
How will you ever feel satisfied with life if you’re unsatisfiable?
How will you keep working so hard, staying dedicated,
if there’s NO JOY at the end of it all?
How is Life going to bring you more of what you desire,
if you don’t say thank you and enjoy what you’ve got?
It’s like asking for a birthday present from your best friend.
They give you exactly what you want, and then you throw it on the ground, saying “NO, I can’t accept that!”
Back to my own purse problem…
I had created a big goal, achieved it, and after six months I still wanted that bag.
Through hard work and aligned action, I’d reached my goal, and had earned 20 times what I needed to buy this purse.
I bought her.
Her name is Eloise:
As your coach, I need to be committed to being clear and authentic in my actions.
When I show up as committed, you’ll be more committed, too.
As your mentor, I need to walk my talk so that when I hold you accountable to walk your talk, the coaching feels congruent.
If I keep moving my own goalposts, how will it feel right, safe, and achievable for you to feel like you can win at your own game?
It’s time to stop putting off what we’ve promised ourselves.
It might be the designer shoes.
It might be high-level coaching with me.
It might be committing to your boundaries.
Give yourself what you deserve, what you need, and what you’ve earned.
Allow yourself to feel your own worth.
Allow in the joy that will be the juice for you to create your next level of desires.