I do this not asking for help thing.
One part of me thinks that if I do it all by myself I’ll really be worthy of what I achieve.
Another part feels shame when I ask for help – as if I’m a stupid dumb-dumb who can’t get her act together and just do it on my own.
I’m getting WAY better at asking.
Losing my mom, a dear best friend, and turning 40 did something to me this last year.
But some days it’s still hard…
Women from my last cleanse shared their thoughts on why it’s hard to ask for help:
“I do have a hard time asking for help. For me it’s more about not wanting to be burden…which is kind of ridiculous because I am quick to help others.”
“When I feel unworthy of someone’s time or attention it’s hard to ask for help.”
“I grew up in a home where my mom didn’t really voice her needs or expectations and then she would act passive aggressively to get you do what she needed, or she should play the role of sacrificial martyr…so I have had to unlearn these patterns.”
“I feel like I should have already been capable of doing it on my own. Asking for help feels vulnerable, and I was abused as a child….I grew up never wanting to feel vulnerable like that again.”
Asking for help makes us feel very vulnerable.
YET, it’s really the only way we can end the shame we feel, end the overworked, disconnected, lonely vibe we’re suffering with…
What if we flipped “the shame of asking” into a ritual of sharing?
This is a new thing in human history, this shame in asking for help.
For most of our history, we have relied on each other, coming together in groups,
+ meeting in ritual to honor, thank, ask, and give to each other, our higher power, or ourselves.
Ritual: a mindful, regular series of actions taken by a person or group of people.
I’ve started thinking of rituals as my spiritual alarm clocks.
They help in bonding us with our loved ones or community…
Rituals help in focusing our thoughts…
They help in grieving so we don’t do it all alone…
They help in celebrating so we don’t do THAT all alone…
They help us forgiv (yourself or another)…
Rituals help us relieve stress…
Rituals help us recommit to our health…
Rituals help in connecting with other people when it’s scary to ask for intimate support…
Rituals help us be who we want to be.
They pop up in every culture on earth, in every home.
Call them “heart habits” if you will.
Reminders to get up, get focused, get my attention back from the distractions, and keep being more of who I want to be, ever day.
One of my recent Cravings Cleanse members, Kate, created this Ritual list, that she offered to share with you:
Here are some of the rituals that we focus on in my Cravings Cleanse + Mindset Makeover:
- Daily emails from me that help you think + act in your own best interests
- 8 oz. of warm water with lemon when you get up to start your digestion
- Weekly live calls with me + the group to learn, share, and celebrate
- Daily green + clean protein smoothies that taste great + heal digestion
- A whole module on rituals + habits, and how to create your best days
Rituals could be called habits with soul.
(A la Danielle Laporte’s “desires are goals with soul.”)
See, we are our habits:
40% of what you do today is what you did yesterday, including what you eat, do, and think.
So what if your habits became “heart habits” or rituals?
What if you didn’t try to do it alone, and instead joined a group of people who are actively creating rituals in their own lives?
I invite you to join us in the journey, The Cravings Cleanse + Mindset Makeover.
We start on 4/16, but we are already sharing on our private Facebook group, and I can tell this is going to be extraordinary.
Join this group of ritual seekers, start asking for (and receiving) the help you need, and leave your shame at the door.
P.S. In my positive psychology training, and in my culinary school chef training, and in my health counselor training, I got really into the small, daily actions that have the biggest impact. That’s what the Cravings Cleanse + Mindset Makeover is. A powerful set of rituals that have big impact on your life. If you’re ready, go here to join us: