117 Anger Snacking: End Emotional Eating

The Cravings Whisperer Podcast

Welcome! I’m so grateful that you’re here and spending time with me today! We’re changing our name, did you hear? The Crave Cast will become Her Rules Radio in the very near future. Let’s check in on how Thanksgiving went, so how did it go? I gave you a couple of episodes in the weeks before Thanksgiving to help you deal with any of the pitfalls you may encounter over the holiday. My Thanksgiving turned into a “Friendsgiving” and we cooked all day and had friends over and the food was awesome! We had a 10-hour celebration and we got to enjoy time with friends. I love having a cozy day at my home, surrounded by people that I love.

Join the mailing list to learn about the live webinars that I am going to be doing. I am doing an amazing New Year’s Day Planning webinar! So sign up for my newsletter at www.alexandrajamieson.com and look out for those announcements!

The “good girl” culture is so damaging to women. Click To Tweet

I first became aware of anger snacking in my own life. To be honest, it was during the time I was going through my divorce. I noticed it when I was so mad that I was crunching my way through a family sized bowl of popcorn. I was mad and was destroying things with my teeth. I crunched my way through snack after snack after snack. I wanted to act out in so many ways, but that wasn’t appropriate so I just crunched and crunched. Yep, you get the idea. That’s what we are talking about today!

 

alexandra-jamieson-featured-anger-snacking

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Your body’s cravings are telling you something. They are sending you a message! Click To Tweet

Show Notes:

  • It can feel disempowering to be a woman much of the time
  • My “Women Who Rock” Spotify Play List! 
  • 97% of women have at least 1 “I hate my body” moment each day
  • It feels incredibly unsafe to show our anger as women
  • Women aren’t encouraged to show our true feelings.
  • Strong emotions get stuck in the body if they aren’t worked through
  • Unexpressed anger + belief we can’t be angry + overwhelming futility + chronic sensitivity to threat = trauma
  • We are surrounded by trauma that we aren’t allowed to respond to appropriately
  • You won’t believe the stats mentioned about issues that affect women
  • Your body registers stuck anger and it must release it in some way
  • Find out how “the rules” affect and suppress all of us
  • Why we go to war against yourself and against your body
  • It’s ok to be angry, so give yourself permission
  • Why you should take a self-defense class
  • If you are a career nice girl – get your anger out

 

Here are some of my favorite practices to help overcome Anger Snacking:

  1. Go to your room, close the door and beat the crap out of your pillow.
  2. Write a letter to the person who makes you angry. Then do a burning ritual on it.
  3. Practice maintaining a calm awareness of your anger and allow yourself to feel it
  4. Remember that you are divinely worthy of love
  5. Start having challenging conversations with those who trigger you and make you angry
  6. Share your boundaries with them and share your desires for your future relationship and interaction

It’s not cool to be an angry woman. #Cravecast #AngerSnacking Click To Tweet

Resources:

Your Body Keeps the Score – Dr Bessel A. Van der Kolk MD

modelmugging.org

Krav Maga – self defense

femaleawareness.com

bit.ly/wfdgroup – join our free Facebook group

Women Who Rock Spotify Play List – DOWNLOAD FOR FREE

Get the 3 guided meditations to connect with your body 

 

 
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116 Start Right Where You Are with Samantha Bennett

The Cravings Whisperer Podcast

It’s almost Thanksgiving, so I have to start today’s episode with my gratitude list!

Here goes:

  • got to see the sunrise from my apartment window
  • grateful for my Ginger kitty
  • my amazing 10 year old son – for so many reasons
  • my husband Bob – he’s amazing in so many ways
  • my clients – strong, curious, brave women who are doing transformative work
  • my listeners – I feel you. I hear you and I am so thankful that you show up here

Connect with us on Facebook in our group – bit.ly/wfdgroup

I’ll have to admit, in these last few weeks I have been tested. My gratitude has been tested. I started this podcast because I know that the pursuit of women’s health is a worthy pursuit. I shared my feelings in an episode after the election and received some pretty strong critiques from you. It’s so hard for women to have a safe place. We are always being judged and it takes its toll on our bodies and our minds. My comments in the show after the episode was that many women were feeling unsafe. Many women were feeling triggered by the sexism being displayed. I even encouraged women to take a self-defense class. I’m doing that and empowering myself to take control and feel powerful. I recommended getting together with other women and supporting each other.

I received some of the meanest comments that I have ever received. I was surprised by the anger that women were using so much anger in these comments. I was told I was being melodramatic. I was told to stop re-victimizing myself. I was criticized and told that there was nothing to be afraid of and I was just stoking fear.

I responded to every woman and asked them to start listening to and responding to other women in a different way. My goal is not to have anyone leave the group, but we have to keep having conversations and actually hearing each other.

In other news, The Crave Cast will be changing to a different name in the near future. It’s going to be called Her Rules! It will still be me interviewing great people, but we will just be called a different name. The mission is still the same and we have so much in store for you!

Today’s guest is Sam Bennett. She’s the author of a new book “Start Right Where You Are” and she also has another book called “Get It Done”. She is a writer, speaker, actor, teacher and creativity/productivity specialist. She is the creator of the www.TheOrganizedArtistCompany.com, dedicated to helping creative people get unstuck, especially by helping them focus and move forward on their goals.

alexandra-jamieson-featured-samantha-bennett

 

You can Subscribe to the podcast on iTunesSoundCloudStitcher or TuneIn

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Show Notes:

  • Sam’s theater background
  • She had to stop waiting to be happy in the future
  • Why she moved self-care to the top of her to-do list
  • How she changed the conversation in her head, so she wasn’t always yelling at herself
  • Sam gets resentful that men don’t have to fool with self-care
  • You cannot feel guilty about taking time for yourself. That’s backward thinking.
  • Why you can’t always be a perfectionist…if you want to enjoy life

The only way self-care actually work is if it is pleasurable. We can’t make it a chore! Click To Tweet

  • The bad art
  • Feelings just want to be felt
  • Bless the body parts
  • Ways to soften your judgment voice
  • There aren’t 2 versions of you. The perfect version of you doesn’t exist. Only you exist, so you cannot compare yourself to something that doesn’t exist
  • Surrender isn’t giving up, it’s giving in
  • How to relieve overwhelm

You don’t get bonus points for working harder than everyone else. Click To Tweet

  • Get your cell phone out of the bedroom – why and why it matters
  • Happy, grown up, naked time…..you have to listen to find out about it!
  • How to turn complaints into requests
  • 4-7-8 breathing
  • Nothing bad is happening

Quit trying to get an “A” in your life. Get a “C” and give yourself a break! Click To Tweet

Resources:

Connect with Sam – Website – tons of freebies here, so go get them!

Get Sam’s Books:

Start Right Where You Are

Get It Done

Books Sam Recommends:

Return to Love

The Noonday Demon

 
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End Anger Snacking

I’m so mad and crunching my way through a bowl of popcorn. Not a small individual size either. A full-sized, this-should-be-enough-for-four-people bowl.

I’m angry and want to destroy.

I want to scream and fight back.

But I can’t — or so I think — so I crunch instead.

When I was getting divorced, feeling betrayed and cheated, I spent many nights alone, watching reruns of The Gilmore Girls, ruminating about how unfairly I was treated, stewing in my righteous anger.

I wanted to call him up, and scream his lies back into his face.

I wanted to take out a full page ad in the Hollywood Reporter about his infidelities.

I wanted to tell his family the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

But I didn’t. That wouldn’t be taking “the high road” as I’d been taught to do my whole life. That wouldn’t be responsible.

So I crunched. And crunched.

This is Anger Snacking.

end-anger-snacking

You know what I’m talking about:

  • Your boss assumes you’ll work overtime, and you end up putting in more hours than humanly possible, only to find out the project doesn’t get off the ground.

(How many Excel spreadsheets am I going to have to color code and format, while I could be leaving work at a reasonable hour and get to yoga for once? — OH! And isn’t this the same idea we worked on last month that got trashed but we’re now redoing it for the third time? Might as well get another bag of potato chips if I’m going to have to be here another two hours.)

  • Your mother-in-law judges your parenting or food choices and makes repeated, small comments that make your blood boil during Thanksgiving, a time you’re supposed to be friendly and thankful.

(Yeah right: SO thankful for this group of emotionally stunted humans and a table filled with food I’d rather not eat. But it’s here, and I can’t say anything, so I’ll overfill my plate and overstuff my belly.)

  • Your insurance agent doesn’t listen to your request, costing you time and money, as they constantly try to talk you into doing something you don’t want to do.

(Yeah, I hired you and you’re neither listening to me nor answering my original question. Give me another bag of chocolate-covered almonds.)

Anger snacking is that common, self-destructive habit of eating our anger. It’s the satisfying destruction of food in our mouths, when what we really want to do is rip someone a new *one.*

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Mainly because it’s not cool to be an angry woman.

Have you ever allowed yourself to be truly angry, especially in front of other people? Have you learned to direct your anger in a healthy, productive way, using your indignation and self-respect to get an important point across?

For women, it feels incredibly unsafe to show our anger.

From infancy, we are taught to be nice, be good, be sweet. Make up with people we didn’t want. While boys are encouraged to be, well, boys.

If we get angry, we’re labeled as difficult, bad, mean, ugly, disagreeable, nasty.

And there’s really nothing worse than being labeled as a “not nice girl.”

Our fear is that no one will like us, and no one will stick up for us, and we’ll be alone.

This is an incredibly unsafe way to live. So we play nice. We stuff our feelings down. We airbrush our emotions. We justify other people’s bad behavior and downplay disrespect.

But here’s the stark truth about anger: strong emotions get stuck in the body if they aren’t worked through and moved out of us physically.

Here’s the real, horrible equation keeping women in a vicious cycle of self-harming food behaviors:

desserts

Trauma is defined as a deeply disturbing or distressing event. Think about it. We are surrounded by trauma that we aren’t allowed to respond to appropriately. Trauma almost invariably involves not being seen, and not being taken into account. Trauma robs us of the feeling that we are in charge of ourselves. It revs up our adrenals, and represses our immune function.

Yes, this “good girl” culture is truly traumatic for women. We are constantly on guard, reading every experience, friend, and colleague for a hint that we might be stepping over a line.

And this stress and trauma keeps emotion – including anger – stuck and frozen in the body.

We lie to ourselves that the anger and frustration don’t matter much. And these lies we tell ourselves are our greatest source of suffering…

But the body registers the stuck anger, feels the discomfort as a kind of “static,” and must release it in some way.

Thus, anger snacking.

In his masterpiece The Body Keeps The Score, Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk explains:

“After trauma the world is experienced with a different nervous system. The survivor’s energy now becomes focused on suppressing inner chaos, at the expense of spontaneous involvement in their life. These attempts to maintain control over unbearable physiological reactions can result in a whole range of physical symptoms, including chronic pain, autoimmune diseases, cravings for overall soothing foods. This explains why it is critical for trauma treatment to engage the entire organism, body, mind, and brain.

“Long after the actual traumatic event has passed, the brain may keep sending signals to the body to escape a threat that no longer exists.”

Rather than risk being a bitch, we drown ourselves in jars of crunchy almond butter, mow through acres of buttery popcorn, and numb out with extra large cartons of hot french fries.

We destroy our angry feelings with these foods, rather than acknowledge how we feel or learn how to address our anger appropriately.

How to be angry without destroying the world.

If you haven’t gotten outwardly angry at another person in a while (think decades for some of us, ladies), you’ll want to start practicing.

It’s good to learn your own capacity for rage, and get out the frustration physically if it’s been bottled up for a long time.

It’s time to reestablish ownership of your body and your mind – for yourself. This means feeling free to know what you know, and feel what you feel, without becoming overwhelmed, enraged, ashamed, or collapsed.

First, go to your bedroom and shut the door. Grab a pillow and beat the crap out of your bed. Really – smash the pillow into the mattress, grunt, and yell. Get it out.

I’ll wait….

Ok, how do you feel? Need some more?

BTW, have you ever taken a self-defense class? A model-mugging program where you’re taught to fight off a simulated attack? Try it.

Especially if you didn’t play contact sports growing up, it can feel really empowering to learn it’s ok to protect yourself physically.

Classes are offered around the US by many great organizations – just search for “self defense classes” in your city:

http://modelmugging.org/

http://femaleawareness.com/

http://www.kravmaga.com/

I also love turning on some loud feminist-friendly rock and dancing. I highly recommend:

Here’s a special 25 song playlist I made on Spotify to shake, rock, stomp, and move out the anger.

You may want to keep this practice in rotation for a while, especially if you’ve been a career Nice Girl for decades.

The next practice is to write a letter to the person you’re angry with. Sit yourself down with paper and pen or a blank document… Don’t write this in an email even if you don’t intend to ever send it. We don’t want any technical gremlins to accidentally send this angry email on your behalf.

It feels good to share exactly what you wish you could have said. It’s a release to get the shit out of your head and onto the paper.

Now throw it away. Or burn it. The ritual burning adds a powerful release.

The almost-last-step is to start practicing, regularly, how to become calm and focused in your body.

I created three guided meditations that can help you get started quickly:

https://alexandrajamieson.leadpages.co/3meditations/

When you are able to step back from a stressful, angry situation and  maintain that calm, centered awareness of your body, your body will need less outside comforting from food.

Finally, it’s time to start having challenging conversations with people who trigger you:

If you know the person well, be willing to tell the person, face to face, that you’re concerned about your relationship dynamic.

Share your intentions for the conversation, your concerns, how you want to be treated, and your desire for your future relationship or interactions. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but it’s one of the greatest skills we can develop as strong humans. Clear communication leads to clean relationships and stronger respect between people.

And join the conversation over at my private Facebook group.

Share Your Insights! We want to hear how you deal with your righteous anger!

 
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115 Ten Holiday Anti-Stress Foods and Mindset with Alexandra Jamieson

The Cravings Whisperer Podcast

Hello, my Clan of the Crave Bears! At this time in our lives and in our country, many are struggling and experiencing heartbreak and division. Some are wounded and others are frustrated. This adds a tremendous amount of stress to our lives! And to top it all off, we are heading into the holidays, which adds another layer of stress as well. So that’s what today’s episode is about……how to manage the stress and food of the holidays.

Let’s start with food – we are bombarded with triggers around the holiday season. However, there are foods that can help reduce our stress and add calming support to our bodies and emotions. Here are 10 foods you should indulge in especially around the holidays. You’ll feel focused, calm and resilient!

 

alexandra-jamieson-featured

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10 Anti-Stress Foods for the Holidays:

  1. Water – stay hydrated
  2. Camomile – it’s calming and great in tea
  3. Sweet potatoes – calming on your stomach – roast a batch at once and store in fridge to make sweet potato pudding.
  4. Coconut oil/Coconut butter – fuel for the brain and helps to balance hormones
  5.  Leafy greens – kale, bok choy, etc. Rich in folate and a great source of fiber
  6. Pumpkin seeds – great source of amino acids
  7. Raw sour kraut – supports your gut health and makes you feel better (all fermented foods have this effect)
  8. Smoked salmon or other wild caught fish – high in Omega 3’s and play a big role in your emotional health
  9. Dark chocolate – a mood elevator for most people (85% cocoa)
  10. Sunshine – in your eyes and on your skin helps your body produce serotonin and is a mood enhancer

 

Sweet Potato Pudding:

Peel cooked sweet potato

Put in food processor

1 tsp. maple syrup

1 tsp. vanilla extract

Blend until smooth and it’s delicious – you can add melted coconut oil to it too!


Free Holiday Prep: Calm, Joyous, Healthy, Grateful Webinar— Thursday Nov 17 at 8:30pm EST – bit.ly/holidayfunalex it’s free and just for you! Register today!


Ways to Handle Holiday Stress:

  • You can have food stressors because of the traditional holiday foods that family insists on cooking, but aren’t in alignment with your diet.
  • You may feel that your desires are not validated by your spouse and could be stressed about the possibility of another fight or confrontation.
  • When we decide to eat differently, it can be seen as an attack on someone else’s identity.
  1. Start the conversation about guidelines or rules for food well before the holiday begins.
  2. Verbalize the support you need from your spouse and family
  3. Don’t make it a big deal – strive to make it comfortable for everyone

Let’s talk about strength and boundaries:

  • Emotions are running high and it may not be a great time to be around family that will not allow you to express what you are feeling. Seek support from like-minded friends.
  • Pay attention to your emotions and feelings
  • Show up and respect the feelings and emotions of others
  • Explore your emotions with your friends
  • Avoid media that preys on fear and insecurities
  • Be vulnerable and honest about your fears and emotions

Profoundly helpful books:

Sacred Selfishness

The Body Keeps the Score

Swamplands of the Soul

Radical Acceptance

 

 

 
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10 Anti-Stress Foods For The Holidays (or anytime you feel cray)

The holidays are coming! The holidays are coming!

10-anti-stress-foods-for-the-holidays-or-anytime-you-feel-cray-1

 

For some that brings excitement – for others, panic! Those easy celebrations we dream of may feel out of reach, so I wanted to put together a survival list for your next grocery store trip.

With emotions higher than normal, and possible family minefields to negotiate, I want you to have this handy list of 10 foods you can eat that truly help your body and brain feel focused, calmer, and more resilient.

We have to honor how we feel physically, support our bodies so we can move through our emotions in a healthy way, instead of stuffing them down with handfuls of green and red M&Ms.

These 10 foods are good to help calm anxiety, uncertainty, and stress.

  1. Water: stay hydrated. Your brain works better and your nervous system is more calm when you’re hydrated. Anxiety may be a result of your mother-in-law’s visit, and dehydration. Take a break outside and drink a big glass, then go back inside refreshed.
  1. Chamomile Tea: calming for muscle spasms and the entire nervous system, drink all day and before bed.
  1. Sweet Potatoes: the sweet, dense flavor and texture are calming for upset stomach without the blood-sugar destroying effects of refined sweeteners. Roast up a dozen and store the extra in the fridge. Use leftovers for my favorite easy holiday recipe: Sweet Potato Pudding!
  1. Coconut Butter: Like peanut butter, but from coconuts. Sweet, high in healthy fats that are soothing and satiating for the stomach and fuel for the brain, coconut butter and oil are helpful for thyroid and overall hormone production. And let’s be honest: the holidays can be a bit of a hormone roller coaster with the family and the travel and the election! 🙂
  1. Kale, Bok Choy, Collards – ok, any leafy greens: Leafy greens are rich in folate, which helps your body produce mood-regulating neurotransmitters, including serotonin and dopamine. Also a good fiber source, which can help keep our digestive system, rocked by stressed, on track.
  1. Pumpkin Seeds: a good source of tryptophan, an amino acid (protein building block) that your body converts into serotonin. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter which helps promote happiness and relaxation.
  1. Raw Sauerkraut: The secret to improving your mood is to support your gut. Your digestive system houses and produces most of your serotonin (see above), and unhealthy gut flora (produced by stress and too much sugar) can have a detrimental impact your brain health, leading to issues like anxiety and depression. Beneficial bacteria found in naturally fermented foods like sauerkraut have a direct effect on brain chemistry, transmitting mood- and behavior-regulating signals to your brain via your vagus nerve.
  1. Wild Salmon (Omega-3 fats ETP and DHA): Found in wild caught salmon, sardines, and anchovies, or supplement form, such as krill oil, the animal-based fats play a big role in your emotional well-being. One study in Brain Behavior and Immunity showed a dramatic 20 percent reduction in anxiety among medical students taking omega-3.
  1. Dark Chocolate: Ok, who was I kidding with all the greens and salmon. Chocolate is a proven mood elevator. (But still, eat your greens!) There’s a chemical reason for our love of the dark stuff: it’s called anandamide, a neurotransmitter produced in the brain that temporarily blocks feelings of pain and depression. It’s a derivative of the Sanskrit word “bliss,” and one of the great things about chocolate is that it not only produces this compound, it also contains other chemicals that prolong the “feel-good” aspects of anandamide. Choose an 85% chocolate and kick up your feet with a cup of unsweetened chamomile tea.
  1. Sunshine: SO, it’s not really a food but hear me out. Sunshine both in your eyes and on your skin helps your body produce serotonin, that neurotransmitter associated with a good mood. Low levels of Vitamin D, also boosted by sun exposure, is associated with anxiety. Get outside and try not to wear sunglasses – get the sunlight in your eyes, without directly looking at the sun, for maximum benefit. Oh, and no sun screen. Just for the next few days. Really. It inhibits your ability to produce Vitamin D through your skin, and the few extra wrinkles will be worth it.

SPECIAL INVITATION! 

Join me Thursday night for a special no-cost webinar to support your Holiday mindset and plans!

Holiday Prep: Calm, Joyous, Healthy, Grateful!

Thursday, November 17th, 2016

8:30pm ET/5:30pm PT

Join online: https://zoom.us/j/631330220?pwd=jjLrHZZH57f2bbOKt%2FKesA%3D%3D

   Password: holidayfun

Or Telephone:

   Dial: +1 408 638 0968 (US Toll) or +1 646 558 8656 (US Toll)

   Meeting ID: 631 330 220

   International numbers available: https://zoom.us/zoomconference?m=HMJV9Cxq2XvPA4PJa_itSBBaHW96doM3

This is a no-cost gathering, and I won’t be selling anything – this is just a chance for me to help you with your emotional, nutritional, and mindset goals.

Put the date in your calendar!

Xo,

Alex

Sources:

http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/causes/water-dehydration

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/01/050104112140.htm

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/281438.php

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/kc/serotonin-facts-232248

 
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