64 Emily Nagoski – Sexual Experiences and the Importance of Context

The Cravings Whisperer Podcast with Alexandra Jamieson

Today on the show we’re talking about some rather adult topics with sex expert and author Dr. Emily Nagoski. Emily wrote this fantastic book, Come as You Are, that has changed so much about how I think about female sexuality. Women and men work differently, we know that. It’s not just about turning us women on – it’s about the context. Any sexual experience requires the right context for it to be pleasurable!

Emily’s book really helps highlight those physical cravings that we have. Humans are designed to feel pleasure, but women as a group are more sensitive to things that put a damper on that desire. And when sexual pleasure is hard to come by, food becomes one of our only options for that pleasure. I really think that this book will change your relationship with your sexuality and understanding what you want, what you need, and how you can get it.

I’m also excited to tell you about my new program Women on the Verge, a six-month private coaching program with me. This program is for women who are really ready to take off in 2016, who are ready to grow, heal, make your mark while having fun and being you. Check it out and sign up to see if working together is the right fit!

Today’s sponsor is Audible.com®, who has more than 180,000 audiobooks and spoken-word audio products. Get a free audiobook of your choice here.

You can Subscribe to the podcast on iTunesSoundCloudStitcher or TuneIn

“The best predictor of our sexual wellbeing is our overall wellbeing.”  (Click to Tweet)

Show Notes:

  • How she became an expert in the science of sex
  • How she learned about active listening
  • How your sexual health and overall health are linked
  • What is the dual control mechanism
  • Why we have to learn to pay attention to ourselves without judgment
  • The importance of context
  • The complexity of stress and it’s role in your sexual desire
  • What is EMDR
  • How women are being raised to be sexually dysfunctional
  • How food has become safe sex for women

“This is what it’s like being a sex educator: you find out that everything that you learned growing up culturally about sex, pretty much none of it is true.”  (Click to Tweet)

  • How virginity is a biologically meaningless ideal
  • What is non-concordance
  • The difference between sexually relevant vs. sexually liked
  • Why it’s not lazy to use lube
  • What is responsive desire
  • How distance, rules, and novelty can increase desire
  • Why you should get to know your genitals
  • Why you should identify the parts of your body that you like
  • Why you should stop consuming media that makes you feel crappy

“Pleasure is the measure of sexual wellbeing! If you like it, you are doing it right.”  (Click to Tweet)

Links Mentioned:

 Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

“Where every woman can turn to understand her own sexuality is her own body.”  (Click to Tweet)

Like this? Don't miss a thing!

63 Twenty One Best Tips for Holiday Thriving (and Sanity!)

The Cravings Whisperer Podcast with Alexandra Jamieson

I’ve been getting tons of questions from all of you crave bears about how to survive the holidays, how to make healthy eating possible with your crazy schedule, and how to make it through the next couple of months without totally losing your mind.

I hear you! So today’s episode is all about how to survive the holidays with ease and health in mind. Be sure to stick around till the end, because I’ve got 21 tips to help you survive the holidays.

In addition to those tips, I’ve also got a great treat for you: 3 guided meditations to help keep you calm and grounded during this crazy time of year. These meditations and the 21 tips are for you to help you maintain your sanity and even thrive through the holiday season.

Today’s sponsor is Audible.com®, who has more than 180,000 audiobooks and spoken-word audio products. Get a free audiobook of your choice here.

You can Subscribe to the podcast on iTunesSoundCloudStitcher or TuneIn

“You being nourished and taken care of during the holidays means that you’ll be more present, more loving, and you’ll have more patience.”  (Click to Tweet)

Show Notes:

  • Why you need to not run yourself ragged over the holidays
  • You have to get clear with your partner, family, or whoever you’ll be with during the holidays
  • Why you have to schedule in space and time for you

“Make an intention for yourself: talk about how you want to feel this holiday season.”  (Click to Tweet)

  • Here are 21 tips for surviving and thriving during the holidays
    • 1 Notice how you are feeling
    • 2 Ask for it your way
    • 3 Ask to triple the vegetables
    • 4 When you’re out, be confident to ask about the food
    • 5 Beware of low carb, lite menu options!
    • 6 Ask to box half your entree before it even comes to the table
    • 7 Try doubling your appetizers
    • 8 Order veggies or salad or vegetable soup before ordering anything else
    • 9 Watch out for those add ons in veggie salads
    • 10 Do the fork dip
    • 11 Check out the menu before you even get there
    • 12 Read between the lines
    • 13 Skip the bread basket or chip basket
    • 14 Skip the fancy drinks
    • 15 Trim back on the trimmings
    • 16 Be discerning
    • 17 Don’t skip meals
    • 18 Check it out
    • 19 Add some fun and games
    • 20 Try alternating booze with non-booze
    • 21 Put a limit on the variety

“This all goes back to knowing how you feel in your body, and how you want to feel at the end of the meal.”  (Click to Tweet)

Links Mentioned:

“If you don’t love it, don’t eat it.”  (Click to Tweet)







Like this? Don't miss a thing!

62 Erin Stutland – The Powerful Combination of Movement and Mantras

The Cravings Whisperer Podcast with Alexandra Jamieson

Most of us have a complicated relationship with…eh…exercise. I even hate calling it exercise because the word brings up so much guilt and shame. We all know we SHOULD do it, but most of us don’t LOVE doing it.

See, I like to move my body in ways that are fun for me – things that feel more like play than a “workout.” Roller skating, biking, hula hoop, bouncing on our mini-trampoline, nature walks…these ways to move help me feel like a kid.

I was really struggling with movement as I was recovering from my concussion.

I was starting to feel really defeated and frustrated because I couldn’t do any of the physical activity that I normally enjoy. Then I remembered a conversation I had with today’s guest, Erin Stutland, creator of Shrink Sessions and the Say It, Sweat It, Get It Challenge. Erin believes you have to start small, with just 5 minutes of movement. Well that’s what I did – I walked to the store, or to the kiddo’s school, and those 5 minutes started building up. Last weekend I was able to ride my bike into the city and I feel awesome!

We all know that sometimes exercise can makes us feel more stressed, right? It can feel like a chore, or like we’re not doing it right. But Erin is one of those people that shows you that movement can be spiritually and emotionally moving. She makes it fun and enjoyable, and that’s why I’m so excited to have her on today’s show to talk about moving, mantras, and mindset.


Today’s sponsor is Audible.com®, who has more than 180,000 audiobooks and spoken-word audio products. Get a free audiobook of your choice here.

You can Subscribe to the podcast on iTunesSoundCloudStitcher or TuneIn

“I just want you to feel the joy of movement. I just want you to feel what it feels like to fly across the room, to feel awesome in your body.”  (Click to Tweet)

Show Notes:

  • Why she loved dance at a young age
  • How she came upon teaching
  • What is the style of Shrink Sessions
  • The power of pairing movement with mantras
  • The value of play and joy

“When you’re speaking out loud, that sound reverberates through your body and has an impact on your cells.”  (Click to Tweet)

  • How she creates affirmations to use in class
  • What is her current favorite mantra
  • The difficulty of getting started with movement
  • Why you have to start small
  • What are morning pages

“You can’t be afraid to start small, and I think that’s where people get discouraged.”  (Click to Tweet)

Links Mentioned:

 Facebook | Twitter | InstagramYouTube

“A little movement every day can have a huge impact. ”  (Click to Tweet)

Like this? Don't miss a thing!

61 How to End the All Or Nothing Thinking

The Cravings Whisperer Podcast with Alexandra Jamieson

Today I want to talk about a topic that’s been coming up a lot in my Cravings Cleanse group, and that’s all or nothing, or black and white, thinking.

We’ve all done it. Let’s say you’re trying to cut back on sugar, and then you have one piece of your kiddo’s Halloween candy. And then the guilt comes rushing in, and you throw in the towel, figuring you’ve already ruined it, so may as well scrap the whole idea.

But that’s not the attitude we should have! And this is a part of all or nothing thinking. It’s a slippery slope, and I want to help you reevaluate and eventually eradicate those thoughts. Listen in to learn the warning words that signal all or nothing thinking, and hear my tips to get rid of this damaging, dangerous thought process.

Today’s sponsor is Audible.com®, who has more than 180,000 audiobooks and spoken-word audio products. Get a free audiobook of your choice here.

You can Subscribe to the podcast on iTunesSoundCloudStitcher or TuneIn

“Not all of life events are completely disastrous or absolutely perfect, but they contain elements of both.”  (Click to Tweet)

Show Notes:

  • What is all or nothing or polarizing thinking
  • How that kind of thinking can lead to anxiety
  • Why all or nothing thinking can be damaging
  • How it’s like the fight or flight response
  • Where all or nothing thinking comes from
  • How to break down all or nothing thinking
  • The relationship between your perception of yourself and how you care for yourself
  • How your cravings are affected by all or nothing thinking

“It’s time to get comfortable with tolerating uncertainty.”  (Click to Tweet)

  • Why you have to see life in shades of gray
  • How you can reevaluate your word choice
  • The 9 warning words
  • Questions to ask yourself when you have all or nothing thoughts
  • How challenging your beliefs can lift depression
  • How to eradicate your all or nothing thinking
  • What is cognitive reframing

“The more we polarize our thinking, the more likely we are to become anxious or depressed or hard on ourselves.”  (Click to Tweet)

Links Mentioned:

“That word yet is really important because it leaves the door open for improvement.”  (Click to Tweet)

Like this? Don't miss a thing!

Write your self-compassion manifesto

There’s a big problem we need to address before you take your next trip down the self-help aisle…

even though we want to like ourselves more…
even when we believe ‘self-compassion’ is the best way to finally enjoy our bodies for good…
even though we have a feeling that beating ourselves up isn’t helping us like food and sex any more…

…we have been trained to be self-critical on such a base level, that we are brainwashed.

We believe, underneath all the positive affirmations and mantras, if we stop beating ourselves up, we will get lazy, complacent, and that we’ll never advance, improve, drop the pounds, or “get better.”

We hang on to our self-criticism. It’s like we are in an abusive relationship with ourselves.

Our sub-conscious thought is that we still have to restrict and deprive ourselves, muscle through, strain, and toil to find happiness and achievement.

I had the honor to coach a woman I truly respect and admire recently…

I’ll call her Janice.

We got on the phone, her in LA, me in Brooklyn, and talked about her desires to create a work-life balance that really honored her mission to run a great company, while at the same time preserving precious time with her daughter and creative time for her own passion projects.

Janice was also struggling with mind chatter that went like this:
I’m in this high-powered role, making good money, but I feel like people are looking at my body because I have a good 15 pounds to lose, and I’m not as young as I used to be, and all these young female execs are hungry and hotter than me, and my sex-life is on the rocks even though I WANT my sex life to be what it used to be, and WHY do they order cookies for every meeting, when am I going to get the trainer with all these meetings on my schedule, and can I get home in time to make a healthy dinner for my daughter and not get distracted by work email so I can actually BE THERE for her childhood?!!! I need to stop eating so much…I wish I had a cocktail right now…

She had come to me to try to end the destructive cycle of if I work harder and put more restrictions on myself then I’ll finally be happy and good enough to deserve pleasure…

My insights for Janice were totally counter to what she thought she needed:

Beating yourself up, restricting your pleasure in life, is like throwing yourself into a cage match with wild animals: your mind and biochemical responses are so stressed that your body is essentially trying to escape the stress by escaping YOURSELF, which is impossible, or to fix the stressed body through suppressing it, which is self-destructive, or you end up avoiding the feelings with food, or other counter-productive actions.

Self-compassion, honey. That’s what you need in this transformation process.

“I hear ’self-compassion,’ but I really believe that if I relax into acting that way, I’ll lose control, gain even more weight, lose my drive, and become a total slug.” Janice was on the edge of a breakthrough…

But here’s the truth:
beating yourself up will never get you a loving, happy relationship with your body…

Beating yourself up blinds you from seeing the truth behind your cravings, and keeps you in a war with what your body is telling you.

Janice confused self-indulgence with self-compassion.

Self-indulgence is what we do to numb our emotional pain and stress, rather than see, feel, and complete the cycle of stress through self-care. (This is where emotional eating, emotional shopping, and other habits come into play)

Self-compassion is taking a deep breath, stepping back, taking the judgment out of your situation, and being patient with yourself through the process of healing and taking a break to align your desires with your life. It gives you the peace you need to choose a new way to manage and honor your cravings.

I gave her an assignment, and I want you to do this too:

Write Your Self-Compassion Manifesto

How to Write Your Self-compassion Manifesto

1. Get comfy with a cup of tea, and preferably a kitten and a cup of tea. (kitten optional)

2. Write an honest description of the situation you’re beating yourself up about. You could be lecturing yourself about work and career path, ranting in your mind about your weight and eating habits, or condemning yourself for your sexual desires and body image. Or all of the above! Include the mental chatter and “bitch brain” criticism word for word…

3. Now write the name of a dear loved-one at the top of the page.

4. Get another fresh page, and imagine this person, who you love so much, and that they are describing this same problem to you. S/he has come to you for help, and you are listening with a full, empathic heart. You give her your best, loving advice. Write what you would tell her as if you were in your best, calm, strongest place. Tell her what she needs to hear.

5. Reread what you wrote to her. This is for you.

Self-compassion is a habit.

It’s a series of actions and awareness practices that helps you to relax (thereby calming your mind and biochemistry), get clear (which helps you define your vision, desires, and mission), and most importantly…
…self-compassion is a tool that helps you enjoy more moments in your body, ever day of your life.

Once you write your self-compassion manifesto, I want to hear from you below in the comments!

Where can you have more compassion for yourself?
What did you feel shift as you wrote and re-read what you said to your “best friend?”
How do you view self-compassion differently now?


Inspiration from: Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, Kristin Neff


Have a friend who would LOVE a way to honor her body and her cravings? Share the “What to do when you have a craving” chart! Just copy this link and email it to her… http://bit.ly/cravechart

Like this? Don't miss a thing!
Get Access to This Video Series

We respect your privacy. We will NEVER sell, rent or share your email address.

Join us for a 14-day adventure to change everything about how you feel in, and about, your body...

We respect your privacy. We will NEVER sell, rent or share your email address.