The Courageous Self-Care Manifesto
From the Latin “manifestus” - to manifest, to make public, to clearly reveal, to make real.
Hold onto your adult coloring books: we have self-care wrong.
Women’s magazines and self-help books tell us to focus on the tiny things, to consume more goods, and what amounts to the 101 of self-care. When what we want, and crave, is bigger, bolder– a matter of life and death. I’m talking about the graduate school level of self-care. Here’s the truth about self-care:The tiny, daily acts of comfort are necessary, but they don’t take us far enough. Salt baths and mani-pedis are all well and good, but they’re distracting us from the real work and true care we deserve: Self-care lives in bold actions taken bravely.Yes, we need massages, afternoons with girlfriends at the cafe, movie nights, and yoga classes. But these are the bare minimum. They’re like breathing: if we don’t take these regular breaks, give ourselves these frequent gifts, we start to shrivel up, get bitter, and lose our vitality. And the truth?We don’t even give ourselves enough of these small acts of self-care. We feel selfish, guilty, or even ashamed of these tiny acts when in reality the nourishment they provide us allows us to serve others and share our gifts with the world more powerfully. Until we make the big choices, finally speak our truth, say the thing we’ve been choking on for too long, or give ourselves permission, all the cups of herbal tea under a cozy blanket won’t move the needle in our lives’ unfolding earthquake. Courageous self-care is bold action taken for our soul’s good.Courageous self-care is masculine drive for the betterment of our entire lives, informed by our feminine healing.Courageous self-care is stepping fully into our lives, stating our needs, and asking for help to achieve it.
I believe we have self-care backwards.
I believe self-care is a deeply personal act, fueling each woman’s strength and health.
I believe true self-care is the courageous expression of each woman’s life purpose.
I believe a million acts of courageous self-care can change the world by changing women’s lives. Because women who feel deserving of fun and nourishment are like a shockwave of healing energy.
I dare to believe that women everywhere deserve to feel ownership and love of their own bodies, pride in their minds, and belief in their strengths. We must redefine what self-care really looks like. Redefine what courageous self-care is in your life:
- Negotiating, not just asking, for a raise
- Starting the business or side-hustle that you’ve dreamed of
- Leaving a relationship
- Taking a lunch break every day, regardless of how many emails beg for your attention
- Dating again
- Quitting your toxic job
- Playing because you love your body, not working out at the gym because you hate it
- Redoing your closet
- Coloring books and beautiful pencils after dinner instead of a bottle of wine
- Throwing away the skinny jeans that are taunting you
- Buying that investment coat for fall you’ve been drooling over
- Savoring that piece of chocolate as if it were your last bite on earth
- Cutting out sugar (even though your family keeps bringing it to your house)
- Forgiving someone
- Forgiving yourself
- A solo vacation without the kids for deep soul fulfillment and true quiet
- Masturbation and sex on a regular basis
- Wearing clothing that fits and feels great every day, just because
- Traveling to Costa Rica for the yoga retreat
- Going back to grad school and finishing your M.F.A.
- Finally having the conversation (you know the one)
The salt baths and journaling exercises can help us a bit, but all the spa dates and pedicures in the world won’t end the toxic relationship with your mother or get you that promotion you deserve. Jill, one of my private clients, began taking big, bold steps in her life to truly care for her soul’s cravings. Through our work, she had the tough conversations, spoke up for her needs, and asked for the support she desired. The results were beautiful: “I want to put out there that when I slow down, do the real self-care, let it go, and listen to myself, motivation and magic appear! I feel good. I walked 3 miles and my muscles don’t even hurt. I’m getting ready to have a few girlfriends over and I’m looking forward to it. I ate nice, healthy food, that was delicious. I’m creating a really nice pattern for myself.” The self-care menus are valuable, non-negotiable maintenance we need, but they are not the lasting, profound change that we seek. I want to live in a world where women feel righteous about asking for what they need and want, because when women are fulfilled and feel bountiful, our entire community benefits.I want to live in a world where women don’t apologize for speaking their minds or taking a lunch break.I want to live in a world where women pride themself on one daily act of courageous self-care.I want to live in a world where women have the fuel, fire, and strength to love themselves fiercely so that they can be powerful agents of change.