What Self-Care for Feminine Introverts Needs To Be
Do you ghost at parties, leaving with no goodbye once you hit your limit for chit-chat, feeling drained?Do you escape to your hotel room after giving a presentation or lecture at a conference to watch TV while everyone else networks at the bar?Do you love your kids – yet crave a hidden corner with a book when the rest of the family gathers for a game or karaoke? Me too. Welcome to introvert-land.Introverts, long mislabeled as “too shy” or “too quiet” or even “rude party-poopers,” feel drained by overstimulation or being around people for too long. While far from being misanthropes – we love people – we feel pulled to an inner world of quiet and solitary rejuvenation.
The requirement for introverts is simple: spaciousness. Quiet, alone time spent doing whatever fills you up.
But what if you’re a woman and an introvert? In my experience helping introverted women feel good in their own skin and create lives filled with vitality, the “quest for quiet” is an even bigger challenge. Because we’re trained to take care of others first (heck we are masters at this!), experts at putting the energetic needs of others over our own, and trained to ignore our inner needs so much that we often can’t even connect to the voice inside telling us “enough is enough.” Yet, it’s the single most important task we introverted women can accomplish.A recent example from my own life: When my husband’s family demanded we all meet up for Thanksgiving in an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, we two introverts balked. While it felt like a step above a cruise, where you’re trapped with 5,000 people you don’t know in a floating amusement park/mall, the idea of being “trapped” in a hotel with no escape still set off our introvert alarms.For extroverts, being with loads of happy vacationers with all-you-can-eat and drink access seems like a holiday dream. The women in the family gathered to drink, gossip and dine together for every minute of the day.Because I’ve gotten super clear on my needs for down-time, rest, and quiet, I made spacious time alone on my ocean-view veranda a priority, even when I got the side-eye and non-supportive comments from the family.Even during vacations with my son, I make it clear to him that “Mommy needs quiet time.” Because I return to him refreshed, calm, and happy, he doesn’t worry that I don’t want to be around him. He accepts my needs. How great is that?Here’s the truth, women: Feminine introverts need quiet, freedom, and spaciousness to truly feel rested. Especially when you’re a mom, caregiver, service provider, and/or coach.My idea of an ideal introvert-centric vacation is either: a solo camping trip for bird watching in the Joshua Tree desert (like I did in February), or a quiet long weekend at a wifi-free cabin in the woods with a bicycle and no one else near, except the diner in town, two miles away. In the last year, I’ve taken two solo vacations. No husband. No child. No work.