67 Women's Sexual Health: She Comes First

Today’s show deals with some rather explicit material, but for good reason! I’m talking to sex therapist Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, a New York Times best seller. Ian and I are discussing some of the most common yet hard to talk about problems that women have when it comes to sex, namely getting your partner to focus on YOU.Now, you may be wondering why I talk about sex so much on a podcast about women’s health and cravings. I do it because sex has so much to do with these subjects! A lot of women feel nervous about sex, like sex is dangerous. It’s hard to grow up with a healthy sense of sexual self in this culture, and I want to do what I can to break down the barriers around it. Because when sex is dangerous, food becomes our safe sex, and we just can’t win.My goal is to make it safe for women to explore their sexuality. We have to reclaim our bodies for ourselves, to own our curiosity about sex, and learn how to have those challenging conversations about what we want. Food and sex should be two of the best things about being a human! But they’ve both been branded as dangerous for women. Well we want both.If you want to have one of your questions answered on the show, head over to the blog and you’ll see a little microphone that says “Send Voicemail.” Just click it, leave your message, and I might use your voice and question on an upcoming episode of the Crave Cast!

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"Oral sex or manual stimulation of the clitoris is a much shorter and easier path to orgasm than intercourse."  (Click to Tweet)

Show Notes:

• What is intercourse discourse
• Why he used to feel like a sexual cripple
• How She Comes First is a manifest for lovemaking
• The vulnerability of receiving cunnilingus
• Where did the “ick factor” surrounding female genitalia come from
• The importance of communication around sex
• The clitoris has 18 parts!
• Why you should google image search the entire clitoral system
• What are coreplay and outercourse
• Methods that can be used as foreplay

"It really comes back to the fact that men and women, partners, don’t really communicate too well about sex."  (Click to Tweet)

• The value of finding an erotic vocabulary to use with your partner
• The importance of context in sex
• Why arousal is more important than desire when it comes to sex
• Why you have to think about the order of sexual activities
• Why he’s a little skeptical of kegel exercises
• Why you should be practicing masturbation
• Why women should stop faking orgasms!
• How to deal with kids asking questions about sex
• How to give your partner She Comes First

"As humans, we have so much capacity to take in erotic stimulation."  (Click to Tweet)

Links Mentioned:

• Read She Comes First and He Comes Second
• Read The Case of the Female Orgasm by Elisabeth Lloyd
• Listen to my interview with Emily Nagoski
• Visit Babeland.com to get yourself some toys and books
• Connect with Ian:

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"Sex really doesn’t begin with desire, it begins with arousal."  (Click to Tweet)