179 Infidelity Today The State Of Affairs with Esther Perel
It’s the season of love! With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, now feels like the perfect time to celebrate and connect the people we love and those who love us well. Now is also a great time to love yourself, as I did with a life-giving watercolor class. With all this love floating around this time of year, it is easy to drudge up the dark side of relationships along with the happy stuff. It is easy to celebrate the relationships that are going well on Valentine’s Day, but what about the ones that aren’t? For instance, what happens in the case of infidelity?
Esther Perel is my guest today, and she literally wrote the book on infidelity. The State of Affairs chronicles Esther’s work with couples doing the hard work of processing an affair. Some relationships break under the weight of it, but sometimes couples find that infidelity leads to rebirth. Whether the couple chooses to recommit to the relationship or dissolve it, we have a lot to learn from Esther and her experiences.
Times have changed, so our concept of infidelity has changed. It is more important than ever that couples are communicating about how they feel and what they need. Esther is going to give us some incredible insight into why couples have affairs, and how their relationships can go on after a relationship. One of the biggest pieces of insight Esther has to share is that affairs can happen in all relationships, good and bad. She is going to show us why people break their own rules and even their own values. So many individuals are massively conflicted, and Esther seeks to understand them.
Now, more than ever, we need to be supporting men as they enter into a vulnerable space, and then support women as they embrace their own power. Gender identities are changing. Relationships are changing. Infidelity is changing right along with it. The more we understand, the better we can support our relationships with it!
Music Credit: My good friend Lindsay Katt – https://lindsaykatt.bandcamp.com/track/stick-by-me
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Show Notes:
Affairs are more than we typically think about. They include emotional affairs, texting, porn, etc.
Couples rarely negotiate lines until they are crossed.
There is more confusion than ever, so we need to be clear about our expectations for commitment.
The Where Should We Begin podcast began as a way for couples to learn how to have intimate conversations.
Why writing a letter by hand is one of the best first steps for conflict resolution.
Busting the misconceptions about why men cheat v. why women cheat.
Women are often looking for autonomy and to fulfill their concept of womanhood.
Understanding the silent majority of affairs that happen in perfectly content, long-term relationships.
How we can give support to our friends dealing with affairs on both sides.
There is no affair without the “Other Woman.” Esther describes the triangle from all sides.
Hear all about my own experiences with an affair.
More women are having affairs than ever before, and masculinity is being redefined. How can we help men embrace emotional skills?
Resources:
The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
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