254: Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free with Nancy Levin
This show is all about living life by your own rules. One of the challenging areas in which we need to break the rules is in setting boundaries. It’s an ongoing battle for many people–and for most women. Let’s dive into this topic and learn more!
Nancy Levin has written a new book, Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free, and she’s busted a lot of myths around setting boundaries. We’re discussing the nitty-gritty of boundary setting, and Nancy is sharing truth bombs to revolutionize your life and your relationships.
Music Credit: My good friend Lindsay Katt – https://lindsaykatt.bandcamp.com/track/stick-by-me
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Show Highlights:
The definition of boundaries: the limits I set around what I will or will not do, tolerate, or accept
How to get clear on self-locating to determine what’s OK and not OK for me
The misconceptions are that boundaries are a wall that is constrictive, restrictive, and make me a “mean bitch”
How Nancy’s view of boundaries differs from the commonly accepted view
Why boundaries are super-challenging for us to cultivate
Examples of how we were taught as kids that setting boundaries is wrong and unacceptable
How our bodies feel the trespassing of boundaries in the first place
How Nancy learned to set boundaries for the first time in her marriage when she decided to make her needs a priority
Recognizing the red flags and the crossing of your own boundaries to maintain a relationship
Moving out of blame and victimhood into responsibility and empowerment in realizing we hold power over our boundaries
How boundaries correlate directly with our self-esteem
Why we should ask, “What do I think, feel, and need?” rather than asking that about other people
Nancy’s Boundary Ninja Move to give yourself permission to consider your own needs AT LEAST as much as you consider the needs of someone else
The balance between selfish and selfless
The “three sisters” who support us in honoring ourselves are selfish, self-love, and self-care
Why we can’t make our boundary someone else’s responsibility
Ideas about putting your boundaries “out there” for people to know
The danger when you set a boundary and don’t back it up; “If I don’t honor my own boundaries, then why on earth do I expect anyone else to honor it?”
Why it’s OK to set messy boundaries at first
How to say NO with grace and gratitude, not guilt and excuses
How boundaries will prevent burnout
The best basic boundary is to get comfortable in saying NO (and don’t apologize for it!)
Benefits of setting boundaries: being in a place of alignment and having better relationships
How Nancy broke the rules to get where she is today
What rules Nancy followed to get where she is today
How Nancy decides to follow or break rules today
Resources:
Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free by Nancy Levin
