Sober, With The Lights On [Love Yourself]
It’s time to turn on the lights + get clear, sweet ones.It’s time to love yourself well.
I’m going to talk about some stuff that’s even more taboothan your weight, and is as crucial to your health, life satisfaction + happiness:Our sensuality…or how we give ourselves the healing power of physical pleasure.And masturbation.Even typing that made my stomach drop.I admit it: I still feel a bit nervous writing about sexual health + sexuality.Then why for heaven’s sake am I doing it?Because I know how important it is that we womenfinally feel good in our bodies.And because May is the 20th Anniversary of National Masturbation Month.And I know how hard it is for ALL of us to talk about it…and that it’s a secret piece of our health that has a huge impacton how we feel IN + ABOUT our bodies.How we feel about sex, food, and our physical need for pleasure is all tied together…and there is too much shame around all of these.I want all of us here in my tribe, my “clan of the crave bears,”to love + feel confident in her (or his) own skin.But most of us feel embarrassed by our bodies,what we eat, and our sensual desires + needs.They’re “touchy” subjects. (ok, enough joking - maybe)We know that both can be wonderful (or so we’ve heard),but we feel so awkward with them, that we try to getthrough them quickly + without awareness.See, I believe we keep ourselves in the dark + hide fromour food habits + sexual desires.We’ve been fooled into thinking that if we don’t look atour cravings + desires for both food + sex,our problems with them will just go away.But it’s a lie.The less we pay attention,the more we judge ourselves,and the more we do both (food + physical pleasure) unconsciously.Of this I’m certain: our unaware, rushed, judgmental way ofeating + treating our bodies is killing us.We eat standing up, face in the fridge, quickly devouring dessertas if we could erase the fact of what we’re eating…And many of our sexual experiences are done with the lights off(literally + figuratively), after a few drinks, as if the veil of alcohol +darkness could make our embarrassment go away:embarrassment of our bodiesembarrassment of our desireshatred of our bodieshatred of our cravingsIt’s time to get clear + turn the lights on.It’s time to talk about our desires + cravings.It’s time to ask the questions + find the answers we need…So that we can finally love our bodies, our lives + fully come alive.Now is the perfect time to do this:
May is the 20th anniversary of National Masturbation Month, and I’ll be interviewing several top experts in women’s health + sexuality on my Crave Cast podcast about:
- the physical + psychological benefits of masturbation- why so many of us (women especially) have a negative association with it- how we can begin to practice specific techniques to help us:- like + get to know our bodies better- balance our hormones- reduce our food cravings- reduce + eliminate annoying urinary incontenence
4 things I’ve discovered in my research + heard from my clients about the benefits of masturbation + self-pleasure:
1. the more familiar we are with what makes our own bodies feel good, the better we are at asking our partner for what we want, or the better boundaries we have with creating and maintaining relationships;2. the better we are at asking our partners for what we want, the more we get clear on what we want in life;3. the more clear we can be about what we want in life, and the more confidence we have about being able to create it ourselves, the more help we ask for + receive;4. The more help we ask for in life, the more productive we are, the more supportive we feel, the happier we are, the less stressed out we feel, and the more creative we can be.Too many of the “health + happiness” experts avoid the topic of sex,as if it had nothing to do with our vitality, emotional food cravings, and hormone balancing.They’re missing a huge key aspect of health + aliveness.Why? Because it’s hard to talk about. It scares people.But this silence is hurting all of us.
In my book, Women, Food, And Desire, I wrote about food, sex, health, and cravings.
Many readers told me it was the first time they had connected these ideas before,and that it changed how they eat and live their lives.
I’ll be writing about these delicate, yet important, topics all month,and will post expert interviews every Friday on my Crave Cast podcast.I hope you’ll listen, read, and share this with a friend as a way to move women’s health,and this important conversation further.xo,Alex