199 How to Fix a Broken Heart with Dr. Guy Winch
Heartbreak—we’ve all felt it. It’s a searing pain that feels like it’s tearing your insides out and turning your world upside down. Maybe it’s connected to rejection, either in a relationship or at work. Maybe it’s the pain of intense grief, loss, or betrayal. No matter the cause, the emotional responses are similar, and the good news is that we can get through it and move forward with emotional first aid. Don’t miss today’s show to learn more!
Dr. Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist, author, and keynote speaker who is a leading advocate for integrating the science of emotional health into our daily lives, workplaces, and educational systems. His viral TED talk, Why We Need To Practice Emotional First Aid, has been viewed over 6 million times. He’s written several books that have been translated into 25 languages, and he writes the popular Squeaky Wheel blog on PsychologyToday.com. In today’s show, he discusses his latest book, How To Fix A Broken Heart.
Music Credit: My good friend Lindsay Katt – https://lindsaykatt.bandcamp.com/track/stick-by-me
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Show Highlights:
Why there aren’t many books that focus on the topic of healing a broken heart
The myth that heartbreak only happens to the young—-not true!
Why heartbreak is such a physical process and a real physical pain
The evolutionary component of rejection and how it became a hard-wired painful experience
Ways we can think and act to facilitate healing and recovery
How to use the “balancing out” technique by forcing memories and not idealizing the past
Why you should disengage from social media after a heartbreak
Guy’s book focuses on romantic heartbreak and pet loss, both of which cause significant grief responses
Mistakes some pet owners make in loss:
We feel guilty
We don’t want to put their “things” away
How we stop criticizing ourselves for feeling emotional pain
Why our society equates showing emotion with weakness and the absence of emotion with strength
On top of the emotional pain of rejection, we have a reflex response to focus on our inadequacies
How to cope when there is not an emotionally supportive group of friends around you
Why you need someone who can do more than listen, but can validate your feelings
How cultural differences influence how we react to heartbreak
Ask yourself if the cultural norm for your emotional pain actually suits you personally
Ask: Do I feel the need to be among people? Do I feel the need to talk? Do I feel the need to distract myself?
Why heartbreak often leads to indulgence in food, alcohol, or drugs—to manage our emotions
Guy teaches to identify the emotion and articulate what you want right now. “Go ahead and eat the cheesecake today.” If it’s not a healthy habit, then figure out a healthier solution for tomorrow—and the next day.
The cost of heartbreak at work and how we balance the process of grief and heartbreak to make sure our careers aren’t in jeopardy
Guy’s rule for nursing a heartbreak: “If you fell in love once, then you can do it again. Remember how it felt in the beginning and use that to move past and assert yourself to get better.”
Resources:
How To Fix A Broken Heart by Guy Winch, Ph.D
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