My To-Don't List - Mindset Makeover Technique
I’ll be 40 in 4 days…And what I hear from so many women, both older + younger, is that they want to feel like they’re living their own lives.And that too often we wake up one day, or look in the mirror, and say:what am I doing? Is THIS what I want?I felt that way when I realized I couldn’t trust my marriage and asked for a divorce.I felt that way when my body was breaking down, and I knew I needed to eat meat again.And that feeling shows up in daily choices around how I spend my time, how I run my business, and what I do with my energy.Our deep fears keep us from sharing our quirks, truths, and following our cravings. Cravings for experiences, creation, well-being, and adventure.Fears of being publicly shamed, Fears of being selfish, being too much, being too loud, Just being ourselves. And then made wrong for our truth.
"What you say no to is as important as what you say yes to.”
I’ve gotten pretty clear about what I want, and sometimes that requires getting clear on what I DON’T want.In positive psychology there are studies showing big birthdays (anything with a 0 at the end of it…30, 40, 50, you get it) instigate big changes, big goals, and an awareness of time passing.
What I WON’T do…AKA My To-Don’t List:
eat foods that drain my energy, and put me in a food comaspend more than 30 minutes on social media a daylet my phone distract me from my family get lost in gossip magazines + reality TV (AKA the “comparison trap”)let fear get in the way of sharing my ideas with the worldwaste energy judging other womenread my book reviews onlineapologize for taking time + resources for my self careapologize for taking up spacespend time on projects that don’t serve me, my readers and listenersget lost in negative mind chatter that my body and life aren’t good enoughrespond to negative online attacks - haters gonna hate, and I don’t need to throw them any more fuel
To-DON’Ts from my readers + Cleanse members:
Joanne: I will no longer undervalue what I do for a living (graphic designer) or accept less than I deserve…Allison: 1) apologize for needing a lazy day, AKA staying in bed and watching TV till 2pm while snuggling with my cat 2 ) feel guilty for satisfying a food craving 3) work for corporate AmericaJan: stop using the word "just"...just a 5K., as in "just" walking rather than runningCarolyn: my story that there is not enough love in the world, my story that things have to be hard, my squicky relationship with money
What I WILL do…(AKA big motivating desires, or things I want to fill my life up with)
Move + stretch my body daily in ways that feel good, grounding + strengtheningAsk myself how I want to feel when I choose my mealsTake random, surprise days off with my son + go make memories togetherWrite as if my soul will wilt if I don’t express it, because it doesCook + eat foods that boost my energy (recipes)Get 7-9 hours of sleep a nightMeet up with at least 2 friends a week Read a new book for fun every monthGet the tattoo I’ve been dreaming of, now
Take a trapeze class Roller skating birthday party (done!)Frequently initiate juicy dates with my manRead and play daily with my sonTake time for myself to read, walk, be in natureAsk for time off, time away, time alone, and not feel guilty for itTake my bike for a tune up so I can ride the first nice day of springCall my Dad, brother, and Grandma regularlyWrite thank you letters to all the people who helped me spread the word about Women, Food, And DesireTake hot baths and read inspiring booksTell everyone I love them any time I feel like itDraw, paint, color, and play my ukulele - and share them all with peopleGive away $100 as a family every month to awesome charities...Live as if 40 were my LAST birthday, because really, who knows?This could be it. This could be my last year - or I could have 40 more years, as glorious as the first batch. What will I do with this time? How do I want to feel? What do I want to remember on my death bed? How much love can I share?I want to hear from you: What will you NOT do anymore? What’s NOT serving you? And what DO YOU WANT?Make a list. Declare it. Do it. xo, AJ